Lobsters, Cooking

Lobsters, Cooking
Real
Guilty!
11R1
Lobster,Food
1996/01/20
Art Of Using Appliances And Utensils As Excuses And Apologies, The
Cooking Lobsters
Lobster Beings
Burgess Shale Fossils
Underrated Art Of Saute Cooking In America, The

Author:
Anonymous (not available on internet)

Date:
1996/01/20


Lobsters, everyone loves these delectable crustaceans, but many cooks are squeamish about placing them into boiling water alive, which is the only proper method of preparing them [1]. Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.

The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs. Grasp the lobster behind the head, look it right in its unmistakably guilty eyestalks and say, "Where were you on the night of the 21st?", then flourish a picture of a scallop or a sole and shout, "Perhaps this will refresh that crude neural apparatus you call a memory!" The lobster will squirm noticeably. It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws. Incorrigible. Pop it into the pot. Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will be, too.


[1] Editor's note: actually, this is the proper method for preparing crabs. To get the tenderest flesh, lobster should be first drowned in fresh water.

See also

Subtitle: 
Guilty!
Factuality: 
Real
PGG Author: 
Anonymous (not available on internet)
PGG Number: 
11R1
PGG Index: 
Cooking Lobsters
PGG Date: 
1996/01/20
PGG Xref: 
/articles/9R9.html
PGG Keywords: 
Lobster,Food
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