International Cut-Throat Corps Of Earth, The (SemiReal)

Poised To Take Over A Planet

Author: Kris Lee Newton
Date: 1997/03/15
Agree? Disagree? : Have Your Say
Buy Books About This Topic At: Amazon UK Amazon US
Send This Article To A Friend: Email It Use Telepathy

Introduction

Visitors to the planet Earth are encouraged to avoid the International Cut-throat Corps, known to locals as "The Boy Scouts". This organisation is devoted to world domination and is to be considered a great danger to hitchhikers.

Membership

The organisation consists of adolescent Earthling males separated into groups known as "packs". Each "Pack" is led by a "Den Master", an adult Earthling who is dedicated to the ideals of the organisation. The adolescents of the International Cut-throats of Earth are all trained in various military practices.

Training

Each trooper is ordered to construct a gruelling obstacle course in which to train. They are then introduced to combat with training in no less than six ancient forms of "Indian Wrestling". Participation in sports is encouraged by the ICoE.

Conditioning Of Troops

The troops, if they withstand this physical training, are forced to vow allegiance to their Den Master. They are also told to obey the laws of an organised religion of their choice, but because of their complete dedication to their den, allegiance to a religion is largely a cover for an uncaring and dehumanising group. This vow is to be always kept by the soldiers. The vow is of great importance to troopers, and forces them to obey commands to kill family members of authority figures with their little knives. This takes a great deal of mental conditioning as well as a lot of perseverance, insofar as the knives are very small.

Rank System

After these vows are taken a trooper will receive his knife, a possession often synonymous with social standing and honour in the pack. The knife is not to be used, even in self defence, unless ordered by the Den Master. The knife is the main weapon of the ICoE Troops. Those who stop their training after attaining the knife remain grunts, while those who wish to be promoted and presented with further commendation may learn special skills in such categories as Aeronautics, Stage Magic to fool the masses into believing the troopers to be gods, Law Enforcement, Mechanics, etc. This provides the ICoE with the kind of specialists an organisation needs if it's going to be taking over a planet.

Leadership

The ICoE is lead by a mysterious board of directors under an unknown system of government. This board, not ready to seize control of Earth at the present time, keeps it's troops trained but inactive. This does not mean that the board will not eliminate any hitchhiker who makes trouble (in other words, any hitchhiker).

Encounter Strategy

If an encounter with an ICoE troop is not preventable, follow these steps:

1. Make fun of the trooper's outfit. This will cause him to question his loyalty to the beasts that force him to wear such a uniform.
2. Run into a room with a light switch and turn it on. The trooper will be required by his oath to switch the light off.
3. Ambush the trooper once he has turned off the lights and cannot see. Proceed to tie the trooper's hands with his handkerchief and take his hat (ICoE members will not admit defeat until their hats are taken: their motto is "As long as there is a hat, there is hope". This is why bullies can be seen trying to take troopers' hats).

Special Note

Any readers with a paper-like appearance should steer clear of the ICoE's "Jamborees", where animal-like figures made of papier-mache' are often beaten with sticks for recreation.

Summary

In general, the ICoE is to be considered a dangerous organisation to all earthlings, and specifically hitchhikers. Deal with the ICoE's powerful but limited power much as one might deal with chained dog: wander around and harass it all you want as long as it's bound, but if it finds an opportunity to get revenge, run like the wind.

See also

• Earth