Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster -- Terran Version

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster -- Terran Version
Gargle Blaster Recipe Using Terran Ingredients
Gargle Blaster - Earth/Terran Version

Lloyd T. Rich


Alcohol - liquor, booze, drinks, grog, moonshine, spirits, whiskey, Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

During their travels through the galaxy, the galactic hitchhiker will sometimes find that some item that is desired may be unavailable, so it will have to be replaced with what is available. According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is the best drink in existence.

According to Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, it was invented by the President of the Galaxy (Imperial Galactic Government), Zaphod Beeblebrox. Unfortunately, the ingredients for it are not available on some planets. This being the case on Planet Earth (Terra), a galactic hitchhiker known as TimeLoyd endeavored to create one using Terran ingredients.

With the help of some buckskinners who will drink anything that is in a jug (at a gathering recreating those of the early 19th Century mountain men), he created a mixture similar to a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, after which, the bottom fell out of the jug. Note: Unless you are an android with an indestructible stomach, liver and digestive system, handle very, very carefully, and be sure to keep it away from fire. It has been suggested as a possible spaceship fuel.

To make a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster using Terran ingredients:

Take the liquid contained in a 200 ml bottle of EverClear to remind you that your head will be clear forever if you drink too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, and that your brain will clear of anything soon after you start drinking some, if not before.

Into it, slowly pour a 750 ml bottle of Bombay Sapphire to remind you of the marvelous beauty of the old Santraginean seas, or an equal amount of Jeremiah Weed in acknowledgement of what has happened to the Santraginean Seas and their lifeforms.

Now add 750 ml of Cold Wild Turkey, letting it run into the mixture as we run through life to remind us of all the lifeforms we meet and experience while hitchhiking through the galaxy.

Speedily stirring, add 375 ml of Herradua Tequila, mixing it in to commemorate the galactic hitchhikers who died of pleasure among the vapors and gasses in the marshes of Fallia.

Over the bowl of a silver spoon, let flow 1 liter of rum in memory of the waterfalls and their glorious rainbows encountered on your journeys through the galaxy of life.

Next, drop in the worm found in a bottle of Musquil, watching it dissolve into the mixture. If the bottom falls out and the worm survives, drink at your own risk.

Finally, sprinkle into the mixture some Gatorade to commemorate the lifeforms which have vanished and are becoming extinct, both sentient and non-sentient, especially those most in need of aid.

If this many Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters are too many for the number of people you think you are, mix together the following amounts of ingredients as described above for a single serving.

  1. 1 oz. EverClear
  2. 4 oz. Bombay Sapphire or Jeremiah Weed
  3. 4 oz. Cold Wild Turkey
  4. 2 oz. Herredura Tequila
  5. 5 oz. Rum
  6. 1     worm from bottle of Mezcla
  7. 2 oz. Gatorade

This makes one approximately 18 ounce Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. The reason this drink seems so large is that Zaphod Beeblebrox has two heads, so when he created it, it came out to 9 ounces per head, so both were happy.

Before drinking, eat one olive to create a sweetness in it which is not there.

Drink very, very extremely carefully at your own risk, and remember where your towel is (if you can).

Submitter's note: This recipe has been placed into the public domain by the author, and was previously published in "Mostly Harmless," the fanzine of the ZZ9 Plural Zed Alpha fan club, Brighton, England.

See also

  • Earth
Gargle Blaster Recipe Using Terran Ingredients
PGG Author: 
Lloyd T. Rich
PGG Number: 
PGG Index: 
Gargle Blaster - Earth/Terran Version
PGG Date: 
PGG Xref: 
Your rating: None

Tell People About This

Share this