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Solutions To Drinking Problems (Real)Common Solutions To Bar Problems
Date: 1992/10/02 Agree? Disagree? : Have Your Say Buy Books About This Topic At: Amazon UK Amazon US Send This Article To A Friend: Email It Use Telepathy Any hitch-hiker who visits bars a lot can tell you that, in whatever galaxy the bar is located, the problems one encounters when visiting one (or more precisely, after one has visited one for quite some time) are roughly the same all over the universe. This article is meant to give some common solutions to these problems, which can be quite useful for the unexperienced hitch-hiker... PROBLEM CAUSE SOLUTION
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You have little fun You have failed or for- Take new glass
drinking and your gotten to open your mouth, and practice in
front feels damp. or have put your glass front of mirror
to a wrong opening in your until your drin-
head. king technique
is perfected.
Beer does not taste Glass is empty. Find a person
as usual, but instead willing to buy
is pale and bright. one or more
drinks.
Feet are becoming Glass is held upside-down. Turn glass either
cold and wet. clockwise or
counterclockwise,
until open side
is facing up.
Feet are becoming Inaccurate/inappropriate Complain with
warm and wet. bladder control. the owner of the
nearest dog to
save face.
Head is becoming Karim van Veen from Find other partner
cold and wet. Zoeterwoude, Holland is for conversation.
"talking" to you.
Bar is passing by. Not true. Someone is Are you being
carrying you somewhere. carried to the
next bar? No?
Protest clearly.
Opposite wall looks You have fallen backward. Have yourself tied the same as the to the bar. ceiling. All is dark and You have fallen forward. See previous answer. your mouth is full of glass and ash and cigarettes. You can't see right, EMERGENCY! You are looking Have glass refilled everything is blurry. through an empty glass. as soon as possible. Beer tastes strange You have mistaken ashtray Give up smoking. and contains solid for glass. objects. You are staring at You are sitting on the floor. Find empty stool something dark and or pick up own you have lost your stool. glass. |
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