About

Solutions To Drinking Problems (Real)

Common Solutions To Bar Problems



    Any hitch-hiker who visits bars a lot can tell you that, in whatever galaxy the bar is located, the problems one encounters when visiting one (or more precisely, after one has visited one for quite some time) are roughly the same all over the universe.

    This article is meant to give some common solutions to these problems, which can be quite useful for the unexperienced hitch-hiker...

    PROBLEM                 CAUSE                           SOLUTION
    -------                 -----                           --------
    You have little fun     You have failed or for-         Take new glass
    drinking and your       gotten to open your mouth,      and practice in
    front feels damp.       or have put your glass          front of mirror
                            to a wrong opening in your      until your drin-
                            head.                           king technique
                                                            is perfected.
    
    Beer does not taste     Glass is empty.                 Find a person
    as usual, but instead                                   willing to buy
    is pale and bright.                                     one or more 
                                                            drinks.
    
    Feet are becoming       Glass is held upside-down.      Turn glass either
    cold and wet.                                           clockwise or 
                                                            counterclockwise,
                                                            until open side
                                                            is facing up.
    
    Feet are becoming       Inaccurate/inappropriate        Complain with 
    warm and wet.           bladder control.                the owner of the
                                                            nearest dog to
                                                            save face.
    
    Head is becoming        Karim van Veen from             Find other partner
    cold and wet.           Zoeterwoude, Holland is         for conversation.
                            "talking" to you.
    
    Bar is passing by.      Not true. Someone is            Are you being
                            carrying you somewhere.         carried to the
                                                            next bar?  No?
                                                            Protest clearly.
    
    Opposite wall looks     You have fallen backward.       Have yourself tied
    the same as the                                         to the bar.
    ceiling.
    
    All is dark and         You have fallen forward.        See previous answer.
    your mouth is full of
    glass and ash and
    cigarettes.
    
    You can't see right,    EMERGENCY! You are looking      Have glass refilled
    everything is blurry.   through an empty glass.         as soon as possible.
    
    Beer tastes strange     You have mistaken ashtray       Give up smoking.
    and contains solid      for glass.
    objects.               
    
    You are staring at      You are sitting on the floor.   Find empty stool
    something dark and                                      or pick up own
    you have lost your                                      stool.
    glass.
    

 
  Support This Site  

Cheap Blank
Minidiscs
in the UK
Digital-e-uk.com

Hosted by
Openweb Analysts Ltd
in the UK
OWAL.co.uk

Inspired By