Barkman, Henrik O A
Many people debate whether HOAB is really an alien, or if he's been switched as a child. There also seems to be some uncertainty where he really comes from. Some say that his origin would be an unknown planet in this solar system, while others imply that if it were so, he would be more like us, so therefore he must be from another system or even galaxy...
Whichever is correct, he has made very good in his attempts to conform to this society. It isn't perfect, but hey! Are you at home - really at home - here? Whatever your answer, it could be taken as a proof that you are an alien.
Well, to continue... The charm of HOAB's small lapses in adjusting has made him a cult figure in the Swedish part of FidoNet, a following not unlike that which Mr. Spock himself - pointy ears and all - would have generated. (As a small note here, it is a fact that HOAB carries a small amulet of the aforementioned Mr. Spock.)
Some of his reputation comes from singular occurrences, i.e. The Ice Cream Murder, while others are part of longer campaigns, while some are just Those Things That Just Happen (an article that should come soon...).
To clarify, we should perhaps look upon the first Thing. To HOAB, ice cream is an important source of nourishment, maybe The Source, but unlike many of us other ice cream fanatics, he has the view that ice cream is a living thing and must first be killed. (Whether this is a sign of compassion, or an act in self defence, has not been possible to ascertain.)
One of the methods which seems suited to use in attending to the ice creams demise is bludgeoning it to death and beyond recognition, with wooden tools, which incidentally also are beyond recognition afterwards. (There may be a ritualistic element here, but it hasn't been possible to ascertain mainly because any mention of ice cream sends HOAB into a killing frenzy.) The only possible way of stopping the mayhem is to manacle him.
In the second category we can take a look at the Small Red Dots which congregate around HOAB with irregular periodicity. There seems to be an element of attraction incorporated in HOAB for these unknown entities, which, BTW, are rather harmless, but can be annoying and frustrating for small felines, hedgehogs, and the likes. Also, the insistence on silver-coloured duct tape as a method of packaging, delivering, and/or marking objects.
A periodically returning phenomenon is the OOBE that sometimes can be observed in HOAB. What this means, nobody knows, but there has been commented that it could be a means of communicating, perhaps with some other aliens, or just checking to make sure that there are no other aliens around.
Those Things That Just Happen are not easily explained but can perhaps be illustrated by a small sample of quotes from the forthcoming book titled HOABisms:
Laboratory assistant sees a HP-48: "A calculator for people who count backwards."
Even though I know myself too well to fall for it, I often try to fool myself.
"I should have understood that you have a bottle opener in that tool box that you carry..." Toolbox? Bah. A small Victorinox and a few screwdrivers.
In regard of last years non existent attendance, I'm thinking of not having a birthday this year. It would be stupid to "lay the table for Bernt."
I get significantly better reception of Radio City if I connect the antenna to a can of Jolt.
I just wondered why my new pajamas felt so uncomfortable. I later found a plastic paper clip in the neck... :-)
I also received a thick envelope, with the usual wrong address, containing a "mineral oil product with additives. Contains polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons," i.e., a squeeze tube gun grease 101. This by the reason that I mentioned to the originator that gun grease 101 smells good.... (I'll shoot anyone who says "Tackleberry!" :-) )
Celsius' thermometer froze at 100=F8 north of Lycksele, as he had drunk the methanol.
I have now seen a person flattened to a thin sheet by a door. It was not a cartoon.
"Fahrenheit. Strictly for scientists."
HOAB is also one of the Field Researchers for Project Galactic Guide.