Taco Bell (Real)

Cross The Border!

Author: Jeff Kramer
Date: 1995/02/16
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For the Earth bound hitchhiker one of the most important things to keep is money. First of all, most of us don't have much of it. Second of all, you want to hold on to it as long as you can. Taco Bell is a wonderful place to hold on to some of that money. For less than four dollars you can get quite full. But now, a few helpful hints.

1. Get the small drink. You can get free refills, so anything bigger than a small is a waste of money. If you can, and you have no conscience, you can swipe somebody else's cup.
2. Always sit where you can see the drive-thru (if they have one). Some very strange people go through drive-thrus, and spending an hour sipping diet Pepsi and watching a drive-thru can be quite entertaining. Almost as fun as getting lawyers very drunk and letting them loose in a court room.
3. Go up to someone at random, stare at them, and ask, "are you running for the border?"
4. Sing the Taco Bell song. If you feel intimidated, just hum it.
5. The hot sauce. The "mild" salsa packet has 1 calorie in it, and the "hot" salsa has 2 calories in it. Therefore, you could ingest 1000 packets "hot" of salsa and have a regular 2000 calorie intake. Oh, be sure to grab a lot of ice.

There are also are some pre-graduates at several Universities working on a variation of the Grand Unified Theory of Pizza, named the Grand Unified theory of Soft Tacos. The amount of the lettuce is directly invertedly related to how satisfying the taco is.

See also

• Delivered Pizza, Grand Unification Theory Of