Canada, Earth (Real)

Not All Canadians Are Frigid

Author: Kurt Fitzner
Date: 1994/01/18
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To Canadians, Canada is "just zis country, you know." To visitors, it is the coldest country on the planet (with an average year-round temperature of -5). While Canadians take distinct pleasure in travelling to a city, say like Chicago, and watching the entire population get traumatized and see all of the city's infrastructure grind to a halt when the temperature dips below -10 (centigrade) and they get 2 inches of snow, it is interesting to note that these same people, say from Chicago, take a distinct pleasure in the Canadians taking a distinct pleasure in watching them suffer. It seems to go something like this:

Canadian

(observing snow, and -10 degree temperatures) "<Chuckle>....<snicker>.....<gufaw>...."

Chicagoan

(scratches head)

Canadian

"Look at that bus...<snicker>...get a load of the huge coat that lady is wearing...."

Chicagoan

(wonders what is so funny)

Canadian

(hears on radio that school is cancelled - begins loud obnoxious laughing)

Chicagoan

(realizing what the Canadian finds so funny) "I wonder what kind of arctic deep-freeze hole this guy must be from to be enjoying this. Poor guy."

At this point, the person, say from Chicago, chuckles softly and walks away. The interesting thing is, that while it actually is the coldest country on the planet, it is not, in fact, an arctic deep-freeze hole. It is actually one of the most naturally beautiful, and diverse, countries in the world, with climates ranging from arctic to semi- desert, and arid to semi-tropical.

For the hitchhiker interested in natural beauty, there are many places to see all over the country including:

1. The Buchard Gardens in British Columbia for flower and garden lovers. The best cultivated garden in the country.
2. Waterton National Park in southern Alberta for mountain lakes, forests, and several beautiful small waterfalls.
3. Lake Laronge in northern Saskatchewan sports some of the best lake fishing in the country, along with some very nice secluded island cabins.
4. The Great (albeit now dirty) Lakes offer virtually limitless boating.

For those that enjoy urban travel and riotous parties, try the pubs and clubs of Toronto. Or, if you like French women, try Montreal or Quebec City. The women there have all the accent, but none of the armpit hair, of Paris women.

And for those who like rustic, back-home, down-to-planet people and communities, there are the east-coast provinces (Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Newfoundland, and Prince Edward Island). In these provinces the hitchhiker can enjoy some of Canada's oldest and friendliest communities. There the discerning hitchhiker will find some of the richest and most mature culture in the nation (not to mentions pubs that one would swear were teleported straight from the U.K.).

All in all, a very surprisingly diverse country. Just don't visit in January.

See also

• Earth