Sweden, Earth (SemiReal)

A Small Guide To The Newly Arrived Extraterrestrial

Author: Mazda Imperfekt
Date: 1992/09/28
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Greetings, fellow hitchhiker!

Sweden, the home of the brave (or was that USA?), is situated way up in the northern wilderness of Scandinavia. Packed between its two neighbors, Finland and Norway (remember those lovely fjords!), Sweden tries to maintain a sort of egoistic we-know-best-in-everything attitude towards everyone else on Terra, but no-one ever takes any notice of them anyway.

One of the things Sweden is famous for (one of the few!) is the Volvo car (a very primitive form of transportation made out of a lot of heavy metal which is driven forward by four wheels propelled by a primitive combustion engine. In fact, the only more primitive invention on Earth is the system of currency. Just imagine, to use little fragile paper-thingies as currency. No wonder there are frequent economical crises!).

The very funny inhabitants of Sweden are called Swedes. They are a very bureaucratical people indeed! One other thing a Swede can't handle is the booze. They live a dull, grey, bureaucratical life all week and party on the weekends. And boy, do they party! They have even mounted an expression called SSIB. This stands for "Supa Skallen I Bitar" which literally means to drink until your head explodes. This they do frequently (drink booze, not blow up their heads).

One of their biggest and most used exports is the Absolute Vodka, which comes in very different flavors. It is not as strong as a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, but more akin to the Super-Quasi Literal Philosophic Tea (oh! That Super-Quasi Literal Philosophic Tea).

If you are going to be friendly to a Swede... don't waste your time. They are very afraid of foreigners and aliens. And what ever you do, never tell them you are from another planet or country! They will immediately examine if you have the right to be here, or if you are... an illegal alien!

Some things a Swede NEVER does...

•             Help a old woman over the street - That is what the Social
                                                 Service is for...
  

•             Be friendly to a alien           - They are probably criminals
                                                 the lot!
  

•             Take help from another           - "What!  You wanna help me?
                                                 What's the catch?  Do I have
                                                 to pay you?  What do YOU
                                                 want?"
  

•             Confess                          - Hey! It's those bloody 
                                                 foreigners' fault.
                                                 It's those kids of today!
                                                 Pah!  The government is to
                                                 blame!
  

See also

• Earth