Ladies' Room, The
The ladies' room has always been much of a mystery to humans (Earth) of the male persuasion. Many questions have appeared over history, but none so burning as how do so many of them fit into such a tiny space?
Dr Steven Moore, in his book Transdimensionalism and the Ladies' Room: Warp Lanes to Infinity, traces the history of mans' search to reveal the truth:
If one has ever been to a restaurant with a group of friends, a sizeable quantity of which are female, then one must surely notice that, at some point, all of the women will get up and migrate to the ladies' room for some reason totally incomprehensible to any man. But what is utterly baffling is how so many people can fit themselves into such a small space with no apparent discomfort. Many theories have been proposed, however, in an attempt to explain this bizarre phenomenon.
One famous early hypothesis, proposed by the late Dr. Sergei Ivanovich Sarkonov, states that the lighting and arrangement of mirrors in the powder room makes it appear smaller than it really is. Unfortunately, after a daring expedition made by a group of all-male scientists into a typical ladies' room in 1905, this theory was struck down through careful observation and study of the lights and mirrors. They concluded that the room really was as cramped as it looked, and the "Powder Room Puzzle," as it was now known, became one of the greatest scientific dilemmas of all time.
In the early 1940's, however, after Einstein's concept of relativity became popular among theoretical scientists, one young, fresh mind, Dr. Georg Schlaufel from the University of Berlin, conjectured that there was a confined disturbance in the Time-Space Continuum in each of these locations, allowing, somehow, more people to fit into a smaller space than previously thought possible. However, this line of thought was ill-fated, as Dr. Schlaufel was drafted into Germany's war machine and was killed shortly thereafter in the destruction of Berlin by the Allies. As he was the only one able to read his handwriting, his theory, unable to be understood by anyone living at the time, was soon forgotten.
With the advent of the third-generation supercomputer and superstring theory in the mid-eighties, modern physics has been able once more to delve into the mysteries of the ladies' room. Robert Matthews, a computer programmer for the National Center for Supercomputing Research, after nearly a dozen years of research and tedious programming, managed to write a simulation program that attempted to describe what actually occurs when large numbers of people filter into the women's restroom.
He found that the time-space continuum is actually compressed in small pockets, all of which amazingly seem to coincide with the placement of ladies' restrooms, and that after the capacity of a bathroom is reached, any additional people entering the room appear to occupy the same point in the continuum as the people already in the restroom. Of course, this is mere illusion, because as it turns out, the room is actually dimensional
- it contains more space than it occupies.
Unfortunately, the government soon found out about this interesting phenomenon and obstructed the publication of Matthews' findings for national security reasons. However, the information leaked out of NASA and other government agencies. The public, through the media, became acutely aware that a ground-breaking discovery had been made, and they petitioned the government to make public the information. With the passing of the Freedom of Information Act in 1990, the mind-bending truth was revealed to the populace, and physics as we knew it was changed forever.
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