Abbreviations (SemiReal)

The Most Useless Things

Author: George Jakubaas
Date: 1994/12/21
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The inhabitants of Earth invented a lot of things, some of them useful: they invented the making of fire (also known as matches, lighters, zippos, and flamethrowers). They invented printing -- matrix printing, laser printing. They also invented a pretty useless thing called a speeding ticket. Nobody likes them, but they exist. It seems that on Earth, everything that is disliked and unpopular is very common, too.

But the most useless thing Earthlings invented are abbreviations! Abbreviation is a method of making easily understandable words, names, and phrases more complex and confusing by using only the first, second, third, the first and second, the first and third, the second and third, the second and fourth letter (or any other variation) of the word the writer refers to. Sometimes completely different letters are being used which don't show up at all in the original words.

Some examples:

          DOS           = Disk Operating System
          3.5" MF 2HD   = Double Density 3.5 inch disks.
                          (Nobody knows what MF means; it might mean
                          "mainframe" or a very, very vulgar curse; maybe
                          MF stands for malfunction or maybe even for Marty
                          Feldman.)
          FYI           = For Your Information
          BTW           = By The Way
          IUFOWTMUMBARG = If you find out what this means you must be a
                          real genius!

A lot of studies about abbreviations were made in the most famous and best-known universities of the galaxy. Even the "UBAFUF" (Unbelievingly Big and Famous University, Fronkle System) dealt with this phenomenon. A study about these studies revealed that they took 564325 man-years altogether to get written.

The only matter which was dealt with for a longer period of time altogether were the studies about "The Origin of Stupidity." The essential conclusion made in all studies about abbreviations is:

Abbreviations are useless.

If you can prove the opposite, please contact the author ASAP!!!