Black Holes (UnReal)

The Definitive Guide To Black Holes

Author: Christopher P Thomas
Date: 1993/12/10
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Black Holes are one of the least understood phenomena in the galaxy. Due to extensive research, many worn out pairs of badly made shoes, and sore typing fingers, we are able to bring you the definitive guide to Black Holes.

Definition of a Black Hole:

1. A hole that is black.
2. A huge imploded star with such a gravitational pull, not even light itself can escape.

How to find a Black Hole:

1. Close your eyes (although you don't get the full gravitational effect).
2. Turn all the lights off, to try and attract one.
3. Look for a large dark region of space that pulls you toward it.
4. EtherPhone the Black Hole Spotters Association and ask if any Black Holes are passing your system in the near future.

Do not be disappointed if you suddenly discover that the five Black Holes you have been tracking on your scanner scope are, in fact, grit.

What to do inside a Black Hole:

1. Find the souvenir shop and buy some Black Hole Rock.
2. Get squashed into the shape of a nearly infinitely thin ultra-pancake.
3. Look for all those biros you've lost over the years.

How to get out of a Black Hole:

1. Dial the operator and ask for Black Hole Rescue.
2. Look for a door marked "Exit."
3. Walk out backwards, saying "nice film wasn't it?" in an attempt to convince the Black Hole that it is a cinema.

What to do once you have left a Black Hole:

1. Write a more informed Guide entry.

See also

• Light
• Shadowlight
• Dark Suckers
• Gravity