Sanity, The Problem Of (UnReal)

How To Remain Sane In The Universe We Inhabit

Author: James R. Friend
Date: 1995/03/20
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The universe is a strange place.

It is also a rather big place.

It is, in fact, a big, strange place.

A big strange place is exactly the wrong kind of environment to exist in if one would like to remain reasonably sane. This of course is the fundamental problem for most of the universes relatively more intelligent life-forms.

There is, however, a solution. There are, in fact, three solutions.

1. Reduce the size of the universe (you then have a relatively smaller strange place and should be able to figure out the strangeness before insanity sets in).
2. Chuck out the stranger bits (you then have a big logical place and although the size would make it impossible to ever understand everything that happens there, one should at least be able to maintain a semblance of sanity while making the attempt).
3. Flush sanity down the loo.

Note: Some people have suggested reducing both the size and the strangeness of the universe, thus eliminating both problems at once. And although this at first would seem the best way to remain sane, one should consider whether it is worth dying of boredom.

So, now that we have established that there is absolutely no way to stop oneself going crazy in the universe which we inhabit, perhaps it is time to ask ourselves whether it is even worth trying. Perhaps instead of trying to keep our balance on the cliff edge of mental stability we should not only resign ourselves to the fact that we are going to fall but should in fact throw ourselves over the precipice, thus conserving a lot of energy. Energy, as you know, cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be wasted, and any attempt to retain sanity in this particular universe is definitely a waste of energy.

There are also other advantages to being a complete loony tune:

1. You are allowed to do all kinds of incredibly fun things which sane people never get to do. People only stare at you until somebody explains that you are, in fact, insane. They then nod understandingly and say things like, "oh the poor thing, can nobody help him/her/it."
2. You are excused from the normal responsibilities of everyday social interaction as applied to sane people. You don't have to work, be polite, help old ladies across the road, or ever take a bath.
3. If you don't have anywhere to stay one will be provided for you. The rooms in these places are really hoopy because the walls are very soft and you can bounce around the inside in the most delightful way.

   Occasionally the management in these places will send somebody around to take you to have a bath, but generally if you growl convincingly at them they go away.

The list goes on.

So, to those of you losing your minds, don't let it bother you. In this universe insanity is a virtue.

Note: Any descriptions of social norms and the treatment of the Reality Impaired in the above article is solely applicable to the planet Earth. The author accepts no responsibility for the validity of the above information (or the lack thereof) in other planetary systems.