About

London Underground, The (Real)

The Tube



    The funny thing about the London Underground, or the Tube, as it is usually called [1], is that it doesn't go underground that much. OK, in the inner city it does, but further out you can view the country/cityscape and some grassy ramps to your heart's content. The London Underground must be one of the easier subway systems to use. There are very clear maps of the network which use colour coded lines, and which give clear indications of all stations and where you can hop over to another line. These lines have funny names such as the "Waterloo and City" [3], the "Jubilee" [4], and the "Picadilly" [5] Lines. Their positions on the map, however, give virtually no indication of their actual geographical locations, or relative distances.

    Nonetheless, things can still go wrong. You become aware of this when you enter a station. These are built as mazes, designed for you to completely lose your bearings. Bigger stations, where many lines converge, are particularly good in confusing you. I haven't been able to discover if this puzzling architecture was necessary because of the locations of the many entrances, exits, and of the lines, or if it was due to some designers having a laugh in a back room. Do pay attention in which direction your train is going. The stations also contain some of the largest escalators I have seen, and floors that get very slippery when it's wet, which in London it often is.

    Often there are multiple ways of getting to your destination, especially if you have to travel a long distance. As all stations are alike (the underground ones, that is [6]), I would advise you to choose the route that makes your time underground as short as possible [7]. Don't take this advice during rush-hours though, as you will want to select a line based on the degree to which you're all willing to resemble sardines in a tin. Well behaved sardines, I must add.

    Tickets. You can buy tickets at ticket machines, or, if you get confused or only carry paper money in large denominations, at a booth with an actual person. Some machines only accept coins and 5 pound notes, but many also accept 10 and 20 pound notes. Having coins is safer, as it is possible that the machine doesn't contain change. Look at the red LED sign above the machine, which says whether there is or isn't change. There are two main types of ticket machine. The first has a few buttons for the most common fares (one destination, single or return ticket; travel cards for a whole day or week, with which you can travel different amounts of zones which lie concentric around the centre of London). The other has over two hundred buttons, one for every station and ticket type. I found that you mostly only need two zones. Don't forget that you will need your magnetic-strip card to get outside the station as well, so don't throw it away!

    There used to be cheap (if you don't give them money) `entertainment' in the form of buskers, but they are not allowed to play inside the stations anymore -- this doesn't stop them though. They are allowed to smell just outside the stations though.

    Underground weather report: warm, with regular gusts of wind (perfect to dry your hair in.)


    [1]The rest of the world calls it the Subway [2].
    [2]Except Alex, who says: "A Subway is a passenger tunnel under a road."
    [3]This line only goes between two stations, Waterloo and Bank (which is in the City). If you get on one of those trains you can see a map inside it which only has two stations on it.
    [4]Always makes me think of the Marvel comic The X-men. The Jubilee line extension is constantly being delayed, but it is now finished (or about to...). It breaks down a lot, but it looks very flash, being so new.
    [5]Piccalilli, HAHAHAHA!
    [6]Although some people (idiot savants in particular) can identify a station in London simply by the curve of the ceiling. True!
    [7]Unless you're doing a study on what people look like when they have nothing much to do.

 
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