America's Cup, The (Real)

A Silly Game To Win A Silly Prize

Author: Chris Tann, The
Date: 1995/02/08
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The America's Cup is a strange shaped vessel, not at all suitable for drinking out of. Crowds of people gather to watch many other people floating around in strange shaped vessels (still not suitable for drinking out of) trying to be first past a certain line. Just why this part is necessary is not too clear, as the Cup is then awarded to the team that can afford the most expensive lawyers.

Interesting and important facts:

 - The strange shaped vessels (the second lot, not the first one) are
   exactly 12 metres [1].

 - It is, unfortunately, no longer compulsory to have a marble bathtub
   as part of the standard ships equipment.

 - The name of the Cup is misleading.  It is in fact English, but because
   the first Englishman in the race was more interested in tea and
   marble bathtubs, the Americans won easily.  They won the cup for
   the following 90 years, until someone else found out how to enter
   the race.

 - In circa 1984, a little known state of a little known country
   finally managed to win the Cup from the Americans.  They won it
   by cheating [2].  Unfortunately, they weren't allowed to rename
   it "Australia's Cup", or "Bond's Cup"

[1]	Just what is supposed to be 12 metres is not too clear. Evidently, you need a pan-dimensional tape measure, that can measure length, weight, marble-bathtub quantity and bribes, all at the same time.
[2]	The New York Yacht Club defines cheating as "Beating us using unfair means, such as better seamanship, better craftsmanship, imagination, devil worship, or illicit drugs [3].
[3]	In this case, the illicit drug was Emu Export Lager.

See also

• America's Cup Bandwagon
• Emu Export Lager (TM)