America's Cup Bandwagon (Real)

And How To Get On It

Author: Chris Tann, The
Date: 1995/02/08
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The steps to getting on the America's Cup Bandwagon:

Requirements: - A home town with a port, preferably with lots of charm
                and character.
              _ Lots of spare cash [2].
              - Lots of friends in the local government [3].

Procedure: - Find someone from your local town who can win the
             America's Cup.
           - When he wins, get your Prime Minister to say something like
             "Anyone who sacks someone for not turning up to work tomorrow
              is a mug".
           - Buy lots of real-estate near the port, preferably including
             several pubs with lots of charm and character [4].
           - Remove any traces of charm and character, by gutting
             the buildings, and filling them full of polished wood
             floors, brass bar rails, and "quaint" yachting paraphernalia.
           - Buy a brewery and name it after you [5].
           - That's it, you're on the Bandwagon!

Pit-falls: - Be careful of [2] and [3], or you could wind up
             as a Siberian scrap-metal merchant.

Alternatives: Hitchhikers with less ambition can simply make cheap and tacky souvenirs with a yachty theme, and flog them
to American and Japanese tourists. Although a little lower profile, it doesn't matter, you'll still be on the bandwagon.

[1]	Just what is supposed to be 12 metres is not too clear. Evidently, you need a pan-dimensional tape measure, that can measure length, weight, marble-bathtub quantity and bribes, all at the same time.
[2]	Not necessarily yours.
[3]	Maybe they can help with [2]?
[4]	For real pros, you can try this step first.
[5]	Optional, and probably only possible if you actually win the America's Cup yourself.

See also

• America's Cup, The