Austria, Earth (Real)

No Kangaroos In Austria

Author: Chris Tann, The
Date: 1995/02/21
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So, what is an Australian Field Researcher doing writing an article on Austria? Simple, my spelling is lousy, and I thought that I had a contract to write articles about my home country.

Surface area:    Much bigger than you would expect from its perimeter,
                 due to all the vertical bits.  This, along with a
                 simple law of thermodynamics, explains why the
                 country is so darn cold.
Population:      Around seven million.
Languages:       A mangled form of German, with many dialects such as
                 Styrian, which even other Austrians cannot comprehend.
Capital City:    Vienna, home of the famous Spanish Riding school, the
                 even more famous Viennese Boys Choir, and the still
                 more famous Wiener Schnitzel.
Major exports:   Strauss, Mozart, Adolf Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Major imports:   Everything else
Favourite colour: Austrian Green, a very dark green colour chosen
                 for its drabness and complete lack of anything eye-catching
Monetary Units:  The Schilling.  Apparently, Austria wanted to buy
                 a new currency, and England gave them a cheap deal
                 on their unwanted currency during decimalisation.
Entertainment:   Skiing, skiing, skiing and skiing.  In summer, people
                 tell stories about the skiing they did last winter.
Popular foods:   Austria has many good traditional dishes, most of
                 which were stolen from the Hungarians. The rest
                 consist mostly of evil-looking sausages, clear
                 soups with indescribable dumplings bobbing around,
                 and lots of potatoes and boiled beef. Oh, and of
                 course, Wiener Schnitzel.
Getting there:   Austria borders no less than eight Countries [3], so there
                 is a lot of choice as to where you enter. Italy usually
                 proves to be the cheapest if travelling by train. What
                 it doesn't have is any coastline, making sea-travel tricky.
Getting around:  The hitching is good in Austria, the trains are expensive.
Peculiarities:   Chris Tann spends his birthday there once every 20 years [1].

[1]	The reason for this is as yet unknown [2].
[2]	Even to Chris Tann.
[3]	Don't believe me? OK, here goes: Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Liechtenstein, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Slovania, and, um.... OK, you're right, its only seven.

See also

• Downhill Skiing
• Earth