Seattle, Washington, USA, Earth (Real)

A City In The Northwestern United States

Author: Matt Jason Nordstrand
Date: 1995/12/01, 1998/01/20
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Native Life: Caffeine Junkies, Musicians, and Californians.

Seattle is one of the more hoopy places to visit, or when it comes to it, to live in, explore, or get hit by a passing bus in, and compared to other urban landscapes such as New York and Los Angeles, you can breath the air without seriously needing a new set of lungs at the end of the day.

Features of Seattle:

1. Rain. It rains a bloody hell of a lot. If gray skies get you down, you might as well start playing chicken with an Amtrak and get it over with.
2. Trees are abundant. In many cities today, trees are stubby shrubs with fairly thick stems; occasionally, the city planning council goes really wild and decides that some place in the city should have a lot of shrubs, and builds a park. Seattle is different, being one of the few places where you have to weed the sidewalk.
3. Coffee that will make a crackhead jittery, knock your blood pressure several zillion times higher than it should be, and in a pinch, will serve as an excellent insecticide. For some reason, most of the Seattle natives will be hard up caffeine addicts. Coffee is the staple food, economic commodity, and drink of choice of the city. If you walk more than a block and don't see an espresso stand, chances are, you're not in Seattle anymore.

As it turns out, most immigrants to Seattle comprise not of Hispanic or European origin, but rather are desperate refugees from California. Strangely enough, many of these Californian immigrants get so pissed on the rain that they decide to find out whether or not the guns, violence, smog, and awfully nasty brown lawns they moved away from are really so bad after all. Most decide that rain is far less fatal than Los Angeles, but the ones that stay generally complain endlessly anyways, or start playing chicken with Amtrak.

The best way to alienate yourself in Seattle is to say you're from California.

The best way to get to Seattle: Anything but Amtrak. It is cost effective, but recently, you have to make a lot of stops on the way.

See also

• Progressive Rock
• Coffee