Putting Your Foot In It, The Art Of (Real)

A Guide To Embarrassing Others (And Yourself)

Author: James Crook
Date: 1997/02/20
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The art of "Putting your foot in it" is a great and noble one. It combines timing, skill, dexterity and, in some cases, the ability to withstand physical abuse. For centuries men [1] have been practising and perfecting the ability to embarrass both themselves and others with split second timing, precision and accuracy.

One of the earliest recorded incidents of this nature is detailed below.

Bishop Fisher and Sir Thomas More (1509)

Although this is one of the earliest recorded incidents it has to also be one of quickest success stories. It concerns two heads of church and state in 1509 who were very influential in the English royal court. King Henry VIII had married his dead brother's ex-wife, Catherine, who was Spanish. Through no fault of her own she had given birth to four girls, who mysteriously died (whose fault was that I wonder?). Henry wasn't best pleased about this for the simple reason that he wanted a son.

Catherine, at this time, was getting on a bit and as Henry needed to do something quick, he hit on the idea of claiming that he never married her. Henry asked the Pope to say that the marriage was invalid, but the Pope wasn't too keen on committing himself. He then decided to make himself head of the church to get around the Pope problem; this is where it all went wrong for Fisher and More. Henry had to get permission from both of them to do this and the reply given resulted in their deaths. They said "No".

That's it! One simple word terminated both their lives in dramatic fashion with More's head being stuck on a pole at London Bridge. This split second act lead to the church being dissolved and several more lives lost to the wrath of King Henry VIII.

A more modern example of "Putting your foot in it" follows.

The Ford Motor Company (1996)

Ford has always tried to promote a good worker/highly paid executive relationship within its own factories. The company produced a poster depicting a cross section of its workers, multi-national and different religious backgrounds. Everything was going swimmingly for Ford until they decided to release an almost identical version of this poster for a foreign brochure with all the black faces replaced by white ones. This created a huge storm of protest and complaint and caused considerable embarrassment for Ford and the robots who actually run the factories.

Conversation Stoppers

By far and away the best way to put your foot in it is to embarrass yourself and others in a crowded room. It helps if you do not know the people you are embarrassing too well.

• "Really? And I thought you hadn't had the surgery yet!"
• (To a bad smoker's cough.) "That's a good sense of tumour you've got there!" [2]
• "I've stopped taking the drugs now! I say stuff the neurotic and violent tendencies."
• "Yes I know your husband was a good man and his death brings sadness to us all. Oh by the way can I have the electric mower back that he borrowed?"
• "What a huge nose you've got!" (Instant results.)
• "You're obviously a very talented individual! Do you talk trash for a living?"
• "I'd love measure your ego, is it off the scale?"
• "I think you need a personality graft."
• "I'd set my dogs on you but I'm afraid that they'd get rabies as a result of biting your leg."

In short the graceful and long established art of "Putting your foot in it" is difficult to master but not always a desirable one.

[1]	And indeed women, I don't want the PC liberation group on my phone again.
[2]	The Craig Charles Almanac Of Total Knowledge, Boxtree.