Apologies (Real)

Sorry, I Didn't Mean It

Author: Aaron Rice
Date: 1997/06/26
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It is often the case that people, even yourself, will do something that is seen to be wrong. Whether it is or not, as to be is to be perceived, if it appears to be "not the done thing", you are seen to be the sinner.

Perhaps then, it becomes the time to apologise. Apologies are supposedly based on remorse, and are said with a humble sincerity. In fact, a recent survey stated that merely three percent of apologies are conducted in this way. The same survey stated that eighteen percent are said in anger, forty-four percent are said with sarcasm, and another forty percent are merely the precursor to some extended form of argument. The mathematicians apologise for the anomaly.

To deal with these in order:

1. Anger. The common: "well, I'm bloody sorry, okay!?" Of course, this may vary from culture/country to country/culture, as the words will change to reflect expletive preferences, and mood. Basically, this is usually a false or reluctant apology, and is said while the cause of its initiation is still at large.
2. Sarcasm. "Oh yeah, I'm really sorry(!)" False apology, or the result of Sarcasm ADDiction Overflow (SADDO). Some people will not notice this tone, and will take this as a straight apology, but it is hardly ever meant as one, and is usually a basis of mockery.
3. Extended Argument. Be wary of someone saying "I'm sorry, but." That one little word, "but", that means: "Actually, I'm not at all sorry, I just want it to sound like I'm being sincere, before I continue to argue my own case." Effective, popular, and sometimes lethal. Beware!

It is said that it is always safer to apologise for something, even if you aren't responsible. In some occasions, this is true. If, however, you develop a habit for apologies, people will begin to take you less and less seriously, until your guilt starts to sound a little hollow.

At the other extreme, you might not apologise at all. Never say sorry. I mean, if someone doesn't like it, they can lump it. It's not your problem. Stuff them, stuff everyone. You just don't need it. Sorry, I got carried away.

See also

• Winning Arguments