Centralia, Washington, USA, Earth (Real)

A Town, A Place, A Hole in the Ground

Author: Kenny Nicknockwigglewagglefenphenfeegle (email unknown)
Date: 1998/05/05
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Welcome to Centralia!!

Yes, this wacky little hole in the ground is located precisely between Seattle, Washington and Portland, Oregon, and has become an overnight success story. Somewhere, a big, evil, multinational conglomerate is using it as a base of operations, and the people don't even know about it. Being the dull and stupid people that they are, they simply go about their lives toiling in the fields of such evil.

Fun Things To Do

When in Centralia, visit the Taco Bell. It is a good place for lunch. For dinner, make sure to try Country Cousin's, who specialize in good old fashioned white trash soul food. They range in five bucks to ten bucks and make a darnedtootin' good cuppa joe (being in Washington and all, they certainly can mix water and powdered coffee in the right proportions!).

Antique Stores

In Centralia, Antique Stores are counted as a life form. Simply put, whenever it rains, they multiply in a frenzy of expendable income. Don't forget to carry your towel, because it rains often. Too often in fact. It rains so much that the residents actually rust.

What To See

See Fort Borst Park. It has a large fort that was used to defend the Borst family from Indians (which never occured). You can also see the Borst mansion and the Rose Gardens (which include rhododendrons), then feed the ducks and geese. Invariably you'll see a swan beating up a duck.

Next, check out the various hills and trees. There's a golf course for those of you that like that kind of thing. There's also several theaters (excluding the now defunct though legendary Fox Theater) and they range in different fare, from the brand new features in the ACT III to the live amateur drama of the Evergreen Playhouse.

Hot Spots

If you like just hangin' about, try the parking lot of the automobile equipment store. Like loud music? Try the parking lot at the good old GoodWill. If you enjoy retro clothing, try going into the GoodWill.

Avoiding The Fuzz

There's no way. Centralia Police are everywhere and you simply can't get away. Try driving the speed limit.

So, come to Centralia, and live life!!

See also

• Earth
• Taco Bell
• Seattle, Washington, USA, Earth
• Oregon, USA, Earth
• Towels
• Indian Reservations, USA, Earth
• Golf Ball, Successive Layers Within A
• Coffee