Laws That Govern Everyday And Military Life

We all know that the universe is ruled by laws more general than those of Newton, Kepler and their fellow thinkers. Here follows the laws which forever, or at least for a pretty long while, longer that a special inquiry into the US President's drawers, but still not as long as infinity, because that would just not be possible, or maybe it would, I haven't really thought about it yet, but the laws are in any way important to remember for a hoopy field researcher [1].

Laws Derived From Murphy's [2]

1. If anything can go wrong, it will.
2. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first one to go wrong.
3. If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
4. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
5. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
6. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
7. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
8. Mother Nature is a bitch.

Murphyish Military Laws

1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.

2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
    -- Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard von Moltke
   

3. Friendly fire ain't.
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. [3]
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
14. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
15. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
17. Never worry about the bullet with your name on it. Instead, worry about shrapnel addressed to 'occupant'.
18. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets. ...printed at different scales; ...uphill; ...and in the rain.

19.  Logistics is the ball and chain of armoured warfare.
      -- Heinz Guderian
    

20. The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.
21. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.

22.  A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
      -- George Patton
    

23. If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.
24. Tracer works both ways.
25. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

26.  War is like love.  To triumph, you must make contact.
      -- Attributed to Napoleon
    

27.  Boldness becomes rarer, the higher the rank.
      -- Karl von Clausewitz
    

28. Never reinforce failure. Failure reinforces itself.

29.  Only 5% of an intelligence report is accurate.  The trick of
     a good commander is to isolate the 5%.
      -- Douglas MacArthur
    

30. Tactics is for amateurs; professionals study logistics.
31. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he's fallen back too far.
32. It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.

33.  No captain can do very wrong who places his ship alongside
     that of the enemy.
      -- Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
    

34.  Only numbers can annihilate.
      -- Vice Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
    

35. Always know when it's time to get out of Dodge.
36. Always know how to get out of Dodge.
37. Your equipment was made by he lowest bidder.
38. Priorities are made by officers, not God. There's a difference.
39. Always honour a threat.
40. The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it.

41.  Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant.
      -- Charles Edward Montague
    

42. Fighter pilots make movies; attack pilots make history.
43. There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets.

44.  A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost.
      -- Ferdinand Foch (Principles de Guerre)
    

45.  Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a
     commander.
      -- Jerry Pournelle
    

46.  All warfare is based on deception.
      -- Sun Tzu (The Art of War)
    

47.  A little caution outflanks a large cavalry.
      -- Otto von Bismark
    

48. No combat ready squad ever passed inspection. No inspection ready squad ever passed combat.
49. Five second grenade fuses burn down in three seconds.
50. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
51. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
52. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share to take.
53. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
54. Parade ground inspections are to combat readiness as messhall food is to cuisine.
55. When in doubt empty the magazine.

56.  Snow is not neutral.
      -- Frunze Military Academy
    

Murphy's Meta-law

All of Murphy's Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thinking.

Some Added Comments From Unnamed Sources

There are three schools of magic:

1. State a tautology, then ring the changes on its corollaries -- that's philosophy.
2. Record many facts. Try to find a pattern. Then make wrong guesses at the next fact -- that's science..
3. Be aware that you live in a malevolent universe controlled by Murphy's Law -- that's engineering.

See also

• Murphic Field In Daily Life, The
  /articles/6U13.html
• Infinity, The Truth About
  /articles/8R69.html
• Magic
  /articles/2R53.html