Hold, Please (UnReal)

Boo-boo, be-doodle, Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm

Author: Mark Anthony Young
Date: 1993/09/03
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Hello, you have reached the newsgroup of Project Galactic Guide, providing joy and happiness and sexual fulfillment to millions of sentient beings around the Universe. All of our contributers are busy enjoying summer holidays right now, so please hold until the Fall and your call will be answered after the coconut oil has run out. In the meantime, we will play you an insipid little tune designed by our top-notch advertising executives to be absolutely inoffensive in any way to any group or powerful individual, and yet to somehow get under the dermal covering of any being forced to listen to it for more than three milliseconds. Thank you for calling Project Galactic Guide, and please don't mind the wait.

    Hmmmm-hmm hmmmm-hmm, de-diddle, de-diddle
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    So-hmmm dabba-da de-diddle woo-oo
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    Hmmmm-hmm hmmmm-hmm, de-diddle, ta-liddle
    Be be be be be-doo

Thank you for continuing to hold. The contributors to Project Galactic Guide have merely stepped out of the virtual office for a few moments to enjoy the sun and sand and scantily clad members of the appropriate sex that are so abundant in this neighbourhood. We quite understand your desire to communicate with one of our froody contributors, or our even more hoopy executives, but you must understand that they can't be bothered to speak with you until all of the infinitely more entertaining activities around here have been exhausted -- and when we say exhausted, we mean exhausted, if you catch our drift, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Anyway, to keep you entertained while you're waiting, and to fulfill the obligations imposed on us by the Phone Company and the Insipid Music Lovers Conspiracy to Dominate the Universe, here is some more inoffensive music.

    Ho-wah be-diddle, hmm-hmm ta-liddle
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    Hm-bah pa-twiddle, hmm-hmm be-diddle
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    Ho-pah me-giddle, hmm-hmm be-diddle
    Be be be be be-doo

Thank you for your continuing interest in Project Galactic Guide. As you can probably tell, our contributors still aren't back from the fabulous beach party they've been attending since Spring started here on Canis Major Beta. In fact, we don't expect any of them back for quite some time, since Canis Major Beta was specifically chosen with its multi-year Summers in mind.

Still, here is some light music to keep you entertained until the Sangria is gone.

    La ba be-da, hmm hmm hmm ba dummmm
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    La ba be-la, la la la de-dummmm
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    Be-wah de-hummm, la la la le-lummmm
    Be be be be be-doo

Are you still on the line? Gosh, I must say I admire your stamina. We'd probably invite you to our party if you didn't have such bad taste in music. I mean, really, you've listened to three verses of that song and still haven't hung up. Anyway, the party's nearly over, and the contributers will be dragging their hang-overs and social diseases back into the offices within days. If you'll just bear with us a little while longer, one of our clever contributers will appear and make your miserable life that much brighter.

    Me ma ba la ba la ba-doo
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    Me ma ba la ba ba pa-loo
    Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
    Sha sha sha sha sha sha sha-shoo
    Be be be be be-doo

<Ring>....<Ring>....<Ring>....<Rin--CLICK>...<rustle>...<rustle>...<CRASH> <Clatter>. <Clatter>. <Click>. <Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm>.