Jehovah's Witnesses (Real)

Tips On How To Remove Your House From The Jehovah's Witness' Visit List

Author: Foog
Date: 1994/12/11
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How to remove your house from the Jehovah's Witness' visit list:

1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry. (Immediate results.)

2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long
   their spirit of Christian charity lasts.

3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?"
   This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing
   bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.

4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children.  You
   may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but
   this will definitely make them sweat.  (2 Kings, chapter 2, ummm...
   somewhere near the end.)

5. Excuse yourself from your sitting room (or wherever) and DO NOT come
   back. 

6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls  (booky, 
   order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL
   there, a tearfull confession to the police for the murder of the last 
   Witnesses who visited you.)

7. Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the
   etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it.  If they ask you what's going 
   on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.

8. Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.

9. (Males only) Feign an intense interest in their spiel.  Part way through,
   begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works.  Make 
   encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...) throughout, and if they ask you 
   what you're doing, pull a #7.  If they're still there when you are done,
   ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten
   minutes.

10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Have fun