Food, Entertaining Methods Of Eating (Real)

Who Says Lunchtime Should Be Dull?

Author: Jackson Ferrell
Date: 1998/01/17
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Food has a mostly untapped potential to be very fun and exciting. However, almost nobody (aside of persons less than five years old) recognizes this potential. Though I don't agree with the four-and-under crowd's assumption that food is to be worn and thrown, not eaten, I do believe ingestion is an unnecessarily dull activity.

So, I shall now explain interesting and entertaining ways to eat. Bear in mind, though, that some of these methods have a tendency to attract unwanted attention and odd glances. They also may make people consider you "some kind of nut" [1]. I'm not saying it's not worth it; I'm just saying you should be aware of possible consequences.

With that out of the way, let's get down to business:

Method 1: Waffle Fry Sandwiches

You may be familiar with a certain restaurant chain called Chik-Fil-A. They mainly serve various chicken-based foods, but they also serve waffle fries. These are a special kind of french fry which resemble waffles [2].

To enjoy your waffle fries even more, find two waffle fries of more or less equal size. Apply ketchup to one, then apply the other to the ketchup. Do not apply excess ketchup, as this may cause unwanted ketchup leakage onto your shirt.

Method 2: Dipping

Dipping is a very entertaining activity, although it can be considered inappropriate and weird in some situations. I'm sure you're already familiar with the dipping procedure, so I'll go on to say more important stuff.

Do not be constrained by typical dipping concepts. Dip your cookies in soda. Dip your carrot sticks in applesauce. Try new, inventive ways of dipping! Make your own mixtures in which to dip food! Be brave! Be bold! Be creative!

Method 3: Pizza

There are many ways to eat pizza. Here are some:

1. Take a slice of pizza. Fold it over on itself. Ingest with zest [3].
2. Make a pizza stack. Put one slice of pizza atop another. You can continue the stack past two slices, but it's recommended you stop at five, assuming your mouth is an average-sized mouth and you intend to actually eat your stack.
3. With condiments. Mustard on pizza? Heck, why not?
4. Get a slice. Pick off all the toppings, cheese included, and place them aside. Repeat with a few more slices, then eat all the toppings at once.
5. Use a fork, spoon, or knife [4].

Method 4: Contests

Food contests can add fun and excitement to an otherwise boring mealtime. Generally, the idea is to see who can eat the most food, possibly in the quickest amount of time. Invent your own rules and objective. For example, who can come up with the strangest combination of food and eat it. The tough part, obviously, is eating it.

These aren't the only ways to enjoy your meals; in fact, I've barely scratched the surface. These ideas should serve as a guide to inventing your own exciting techniques for eating. Look at your food in new ways [5]. Don't be confined by preconceived notions of how to eat things. Perhaps the best guideline is what I said before: Be brave! Be bold! Be creative!

[1]	Unless, of course, you typically dine with toddlers. In which case people may already consider you a nut.
[2]	Does syrup taste good on them? I've no idea. Try it; see how it tastes.
[3]	I don't know what this is supposed to mean, but it sure sounds cool.
[4]	Not recommended. Really not recommended.
[5]	Literally and figuratively.

See also

• Lunch
• Quantum Mechanics Of Sandwiches In Lunchboxes
• Quartered Sandwiches
• Cuisine Unauthentique
• Fast Food
• Pizza
• Fossilised Hamburger Of St Albert, The
• Taco Moose
• Food Conspiracy, The
• Poutine