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Minibus Taxis, Africa, Earth (Real)

How To Catch A Ride On One Of Africa's Biggest Killers

    People often talk about the dangerous creatures in Africa, but one that they always fail to mention is the Minibus Taxi. For the purposes of this article, I will be discussing the South African sub-species of this creature.

    Some History

    The minibus taxi industry was created as an alternative to the public transport system, which has never really been that good. The taxis were supposed to be cheaper than the buses/trains, and go to more destinations. To some extent they fulfill this purpose.

    Unfortunately there are a few problems:

    1. The drivers mostly seem to have no concept of the rules of the road.
    2. The taxis are in terrible condition, mostly held together with duct tape and wire.
    3. Taxi syndicates (gangs) have a literal definition of competitive business, and AK-47 assault rifles are considered as standard negotiation tools.

    How To Catch A Minibus Taxi

    First, decide where you want to go. This is the easy part, and you should not have much trouble. Then make your way to any recognised taxi stop. This would be anywhere which is within 100m of the road. Using your superb navigation skills, determine the direction of your intended destination. Wait for a taxi, this should not take too long.

    You can identify a taxi by the methods the driver uses to catch your attention: flashing headlights; beeping horn; driver waving arms frantically or screaming his destination at you [1]. Some taxis have some sort of sign indicating their destination. Sometimes this is even accurate.

    Now you have to decide whether or not you are going to catch this taxi. Of course, if the taxi is obviously not going where you want it to go, just ignore it, or shake your head from side to side to indicate that you are not interested.

    Is the taxi in reasonable condition? If the taxi is in terrible shape, you could be risking injury by catching it. However, the good thing about catching a run-down taxi is that it probably won't be able to go very fast, so the chances of it being in a high-speed accident are quite slim. The choice is up to you whether or not you want a structurally stable but worryingly fast taxi, or a rickety old thing which moves at reasonably sub-light speeds.

    Once you have decided to catch a particular taxi, you must stick out your arm and point in the direction of your destination. If the taxi is not going there, the driver will probably make some sort of gesture to indicate this fact. If the taxi continues to approach, once it is within hearing range you must start shouting the name of your intended destination. The taxi driver will start shouting the name if his intended destination (as mentioned earlier, this can have little or no relationship to the destination which might appear on the front of the taxi). If both of your intended destinations appear to be similar, you can get into the taxi.

    Once inside, you must pay for your journey. If you managed to find out the price of the trip beforehand, pay that exact amount to the driver [2]. If you do not know how much the trip costs, you can ask the driver. Try not to sound like a tourist, and if there are any other people in the taxi the driver will almost certainly tell you the correct amount. Once the transaction has been completed, you can sit back and enjoy [3] the ride.

    Now is a good time to start praying to the deity of your choice. Try not to panic as the driver drives like a madman through equally crazy traffic. Screaming and wetting your pants is considered rude, and disturbs other passengers.

    If you are still alive when you approach your destination, it is time for you to get out. Tell the driver where you want him to stop. This can be done by saying something like: "Bus stop please driver" (to stop at the next bus stop), or simply "Thanks driver". The driver will probably stop, and you can get out. You have survived a Minibus Taxi ride! This is something that you can tell your grandchildren about one day.

    Spare a thought for those poor souls who have to catch minibus taxis on a regular basis...

    Random Information Regarding Minibus Taxis

    1. You do not have to tip the driver.
    2. Drivers try to fit in as many people as possible into a taxi, so if you catch it during a busy part of the day, be prepared for a cramped ride.
    3. Taxis which have tinted windows often have extremely loud sound systems installed. If you do not mind a noisy journey, you can catch one of these for an experiment in audio torture. The music played is usually of the American R&B variety, which I personally cannot stand.
    4. If the driver decides that he no longer wants to go where he said he was going, he will give you back enough money to continue your journey, and will often stop another taxi for you.
    [1]Much like buses, minibus taxis have fixed routes. You do not catch a taxi and tell it where to go, you catch a taxi that is already going where you want to go.
    [2]Sometimes the driver has an assistant who sits in the taxi and collects fares, opens doors, and that sort of thing. If there is an assistant, pay your money to him.
    [3]For varying definitions of "enjoy".
 
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