Santa Claus, The Privatisation Of

Since last year's privatisation of Santa Claus, and the introduction of competition into the traditional Christmas presents service, a report has been produced by the government's Winter Seasonal Advisory Committee. The report recommends the following:

1. A second Christmas be introduced in the middle of the year;
2. Competition opened up to allow gas, electric, and water companies to tender bids for the remaining eight regional Santa monopolies, currently still controlled by the government;
3. The separation of Santa Claus Plc [1] and "The Grotto", allowing presents to be obtained from any, ie. the cheapest, manufacturer;
4. Deregulation and reduced regulation of any remaining monopolies to remove "restrictive" cost impositions, including:
   1. The reduction of the value of presents-to-deliver from twenty per cent of income to five per cent of income; and
   2. The abolition of timing restraints that unnecessarily restricted delivery of presents to a few tight hours on the morning of the twenty-fifth; and
5. The removal of all that "fiddly" public accountability.

The government is expected to accept the report, after in-depth discussion of the pros and cons, next week in a two minute meeting.

See also

• Santa Claus, Existence Of