Immortality, What To Do When You Have Acquired (UnReal)

You've Got Nothing To Do And Eternity To Do It In

Author: Jeff Hillary
Date: 1997/03/17
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So, you've acquired eternal life? Sounded like a good thing at the time, didn't it? But after a while things started to get boring. Your friends all died, and whenever you have to show a cop your driver's license (because all creatures like a little intergalactic game of high speed bumper cars) you are put in jail for producing a fake driver's permit ("Date Of Birth: 1001").

Those of you who are not immortal are probably wondering how you can acquire immortality. Well, it is very difficult. First: don't die (this is the hardest part). Then, after you are through not dying, go to the Kurt Manning Laboratory for the Criminally Insane, and tell them you want to be immortal. After you wake up and find your wallet missing, just live life to its eternity.

Well, now that you have all of eternity, here is a list of things you can do. If you aren't immortal, and are just reading this because you are bored, you can try some of them as well.

1. Become a Field Researcher for the PGG. You stand an excellent chance of keeping your job, and after everyone else working there has died of old age, you might get to be in charge because you will be the most experienced.
2. Paint an entire planet like a giant mural. It is time consuming, and could become fun after a while; imagine a planet with a portrait of yourself painted on it.
3. Learn every language in the Universe. Why not, it isn't like you don't have the time to do it.
4. Create a time machine and go back in time to either become your own father, or better yet, keep yourself away from whatever gave you immortality in the first place.
5. Put a few Altairian Dollars in a bank account and forget about it for a few years, then return in 245,807,567 years, and buy the whole universe, and make all the brainy scientists find a way to cure immortality.
6. Make a list of things to do when you have acquired immortality. Then send it to me [1].

[1]	As you can see, I haven't acquired immortality... yet.

See also

• Boredom
• Arguments, Infinitely Prolonging
• Time Travel