* * Archive: UREAL07.NEW * * Created on: Tue Mar 28 15:30:11 2000 * * Number of articles: 9 * * Welcome! This is one of the files that goes to make up the archives of * Project Galactic Guide. To find out what the heck PGG is, go look at its * main Web site at , where you'll be able to * find an FAQ. * * * The articles in this file are: * * Europa-4 Europa * DimensionsNo-2 Dimensions, Number Of * Fairies-3 Fairies * RedButton-3 Red Button, The * Voting-3 Voting * Nebraska-3 Nebraska, USA, Earth * FootReflexology-3 Foot Reflexology * Lunch-3 Lunch * Zarn-3 Zarn Measurement System, The * %t Europa %n 8U25 %s A Moon Of Jupiter %a Aleksander Solum (zolum@online.no) %d 19980511 %i Moons: Europa %i Residence Of The Rulers Of The Galaxy, The %i Rulers Of The Galaxy, The Residence Of The %i Galaxy, The Residence Of The Rulers Of The %x Jupiter, Sol V %x Earth %x Sun, The %x Opinions On UFOs %x Boredom %e Europa As It Is =============== Europa is one of the moons of that solar system planet Jupiter. Please do not confuse Europa with Europe, a continent of Earth! Europa is pronounced "you're -- oap -- aaah!". Jupiter is the largest planet in the solar system; if you have a spacecraft, finding it is easy. Simply aim for the ugliest planetary system you can find (can't miss), and look for the biggest planet. If you have trouble finding it, I suggest the book "Finding your way in the galaxy using a home-made Beetle spaceship," available in all reasonably decent bookstores. Europa has fascinated historians from all over the galaxy. Hidden under its ice-covered surface there is a biosphere teeming with highly intelligent life. Now what a fascinating place in the galaxy to find a highly advanced civilization. Just a couple of light hours away is the barbaric planet Earth, completely unaware of being so close to the great brains of the galaxy! Europa orbits its mother planet Jupiter together with its three companion giant moons. The tides and perturbations by the powerful gravitational forces of these bodies flex and crush Europa's icy surface. This has resulted in its core being covered by liquid water. In this liquid water life quickly arose. After only a few million years, its inhabitants realized the silliness of living in cold water. They dug holes in the ice and created warm, comfortable homes, from which they ruled the galaxy. Despite their brilliant brains, however, these rulers of the galaxy have some disturbing and perverse fancies... They simply cannot stand being bored, and one of their favourite ways of passing time is to molest primitive civilizations. A frequent target is their neighbouring life forms, the human beings on Earth. Their most frequent abuse of the "Protection of Primitive Species Act" is to dress up in silly grey suits, land on Earth, and haul some human beings into their spaceship. They then pretend to do tests and stick pieces of metal in them, as well as do some more sinister things not fit for description in an uncensored encyclopedia. Europa From The Perspective Of Humanity ======================================= The story of humanity's raising interest in Europa is both interesting and disturbing. We will be using the currently favoured time system on Earth, the BC-AD system, which is explained in detail in Harry Golombek's book "Time measuring in primitive civilizations". Around AD 1640 an individual, known to others by the name Galileo Galilei, made a crude lens he called a telescope, and used it to look at the skies. Around the `star' Jupiter, he found four orbiting stars -- one of which was Europa. After a little while, even the inhabitants of Earth understood that Jupiter was really a planet surrounded by (at least) four moons. However, it was not until the early 1980s that they finally managed to find out what these moons looked like. The inhabitants of Europa started to fear detection, but managed to arrange it so that the human "Voyager" spacecrafts would take very bad photographs of Europa. However, because of some small miscalculations from the side of the Europans, and pure luck from the side of the humans, some pictures survived, showing a planet devoid of craters. The conclusion? Something was removing the telltale signs of asteroids hitting Europa. Speculations about liquid water began to surface. Currently the species have a very primitive spacecraft called Galileo orbiting Jupiter. To the horrible despair of the Europans the spacecraft has now begun a special focusing on Europa! What is even worse, a human leader, Mr. Clinton, has indicated he wants to send a spaceship to explore Europa in detail. While the inhabitants of Europa are busily trying to avoid this by destroying Clinton's career (by inventing sexual scandals, for example), nobody knows if these primitive beings might actually survive and discover the Europans. _Then_ what would the Europans do when they are bored? %e *EOA* %t Dimensions, Number Of %n 9U8 %s How Many Dimensions Are There? %a Matt Baier (Geiiga42@cjnetworks.com) %d 19960116 %x Fourth Dimension, Creatures From The %x Murphic Field In Daily Life, The %i Number Of Dimensions %k Probability %k Dimensions %k Improbability %e A lot has been written on the subject of dimensions, while even more has been thought about and then forgotten. Most people think that the Earth resides in three dimensions: height, width, and depth. This is incorrect. Some more intelligent people think that there are four: the three above, and time. This is also incorrect. A few crackpots think that it's a two-dimensional world, and we can move through to different planes. This is not only incorrect, but clearly insane. The truth is that there are at least five: we move freely in space, in a straight line through time, and in a more or less random direction in probability. The reason for this is that every minute of every day, everyone makes a choice. These choices take us into random directions on the improbability axis. Because we only know that it's there, the improbability axis is the hardest of the dimensions to deal with. We never really know where we are on it, or what choices will take us where. It's like following an unfamiliar car; you don't know where you're going until you get there. The problem with not knowing which direction a choice will take you is the same problem slackers run into: they decide not to work, and find themselves in a bad part of the improbability axis, i.e. living in a van down by a river, to borrow a phrase from the late Chris Farley. If they had been able to see where each decision took them, they would be in a whole lot less trouble. Another problem is that when faced with an opportunity to go to a better place in this dimension, we are more likely to mess it up than do the right thing. We go left when meaning to go right and drive off a cliff, and things like that. The secret, thus, is to never make decisions. Unfortunately, this is impossible. We are immediately faced with the problem that this (lack of) action is already a decision in itself. After this it gets increasingly complicated, and as most of our lives are complex enough, I won't cloud the problem any further. %e *EOA* %t Fairies %s The Tooth Fairy, Her Motives, Her Family %n 9U9 %a Gavin Schmitt (schmitt@vbe.com) %d 19970114 %x Tunneling Theory Of Sock Disappearance %k Socks %k Teeth %e Everyone knows about the tooth fairy, right? She's the 3-inch high little imp that trades your missing teeth for her spare change. Besides that, what do we really know about her? Well, more than you probably realize. From this day forward, I share that information with you. Fairy Homes ----------- Fairies like the Tooth Fairy (who prefers to be called Grizelda) do not live in the sky like most people believe. Others believe that Grizelda builds a large castle out of teeth for her family. That just isn't the case, though [1]. The fairies live in the rain forests of Brazil, lost beneath the thick foliage of vines and moss -- hoping to be undiscovered by humans for at least another decade or two (but with our rate of jungle-burning, this seems just a tad unlikely). The moisture in the tree sap keeps the teeth preserved for many years. Where Do The Teeth Go? ---------------------- This is a fairly common question among youngsters, and several senile old men who no longer have any teeth. The answer is quite simple, and most people have figured it out with little thought. Grizelda has a workshop where her children (each one called 'fairchild' [2]) take the preserved teeth, coat them with a special gel called amphetalax, and produce dentures (which get sold back to the people who originally gave up their teeth). This is a relatively new process, really. Before Grizelda was born in 1946, dentures were made of wood. How Do Fairies Reproduce? ------------------------- Well, unlike other humanoid beings, fairies are all female (besides the king) so cannot reproduce the 'natural' way. So to compensate for this, they were forced to resort to cloning. And at a rapid rate! Fairies live no more than seven years. Grizelda has been cloned over and over again [3]. The Bloody Head Fairy --------------------- This creature, featured on "The Ren And Stimpy Show" is not a true fairy at all. It is really a cursed ogre and is not to be trusted. On slow nights when bloody heads cannot be found, it makes its own bloody head if you know what I mean. If you come in contact with this beast, start chanting "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" backwards, or perhaps just run. You do not want to have a conversation with this guy -- if his breath doesn't kill you, his knowledge and fascination for the New York Jets will. The Sock Fairy -------------- Possibly the most misunderstood fairy of all, Chuckles the Sock Fairy makes her monthly rounds to the homes of the middle-classed, borrowing socks. It was once believed that she kept the socks for herself -- a thief. This is no longer the theory, however. She trades them for other socks, more or less. No joke! This is why someone washing a load of white socks will always end up one white sock short, and next time he washes a load -- a red sock shows up. The sock fairy is not mischievous or troublesome on purpose. She merely needs socks quite desperately, and always forgets who she borrows from so will more often than not return the wrong sock. No one has ever seen her in action. We don't know if Chuckles hides in the Chlorox Bleach (which she feeds on), or if she lives behind the dryer where no one ever cleans. Fairies... what a bothersome lot... [1] This belief is understandable, though, because it was once true. At least until Grizelda's father (The Fairy King) discovered that "dead" teeth rot even faster than those still in use... [2] Historians, genealogists, and scientists alike are all trying to find out the exact connection between fairies and Morgan Fairchild. [3] As seen in "Multiplicity" (or from any Xerox machine), each copy gets less and less like the original to a state of complete madness. We are not sure how this insanity is stopped. %e *EOA* %t Red Button, The %n 8U26 %s A Tantalizing Thing To Press %a Claire V. Gray  (gray42@juno.com) %d 19970921 %i Shiny Red Buttons %i Buttons, Red %i Interesting Thing To Press, An %i Press, An Interesting Thing To %k red %k button %e Phenomenon:  the red button, a tantalizing thing to press. Description:  shiny, candy apple red, round, usually set into some sort of surface. Explanation:  if you stick a person and a shiny red button in a room, they are more than likely to come in contact sooner or later.  Humans are attracted to red buttons, partly out of curiosity and partly because they want to take a risk.  The shiny red button holds a sense of mystery for the will-be-pressing person.  It has to be pressed.  Shiny red buttons _could_ either kill you, erase you, destroy the universe, send you across the galaxy, change your personality, or make you a very happy carbon based life form.  Shiny red buttons are just plain irresistible to anyone that may come across one and will eventually get pressed. %e *EOA* %t Voting %n 8U27 %s Electoral Lottery %a Aaron Rice (a.rice@ukonline.co.uk) %d 19970710 %x Law Of Gravity, The %x Origin Of Stupidity, The %x Problems With Democracy %i Electoral Lottery %i Lottery, Electoral %i Democracy, The Levers Of %k vote %k election %k lottery %e Some people don't see the point in voting: their democratic right to have a say in the government. In fact, the intelligent portion of these people abstain from voting for one reason only: they know how it works. The voting system, namely, is called the "Electoral Lottery", and is based on the idea that with a vote you can enter the opinion of your choice (within reason) into a giant sweepstake. The outcome of the vote is decided by a random choice from this sweepstake. Knowing this, you might think when someone else also votes for the opinion of your choice, the odds of that choice being chosen increases. This is not so, as lotteries don't allow duplicate votes. An advanced computer system, BIN (Ballot Identical aNnihilator), which can screen duplicate votes, has recently replaced the older and less reliable machine, VOTE (Verifying Ordinal Tactical Extractor) [1]. VOTE, in turn, replaced a rather tedious process of hand exclusion, which had continually resulted a rather undesirable outcome based on the proportion of votes people had actually made for different candidates. The upshot of this is that the chance that your choice reflects that of the outcome of the vote is one in as many different choices as there are. Effectively, as long as one person is voting for whatever you would have voted for, you have just as much chance seeing your choice come up whether you vote or not. So remember, when next you think about voting, it goes straight into the BIN. [1] Its sister computer, RIPPER (Removal Instrument for Personally Published Entries to Referendum), failed trials when it appeared that each and every vote was torn to shreds indiscriminately. The technology has since been stolen by several budding dictatorships. %e *EOA* %t Nebraska, USA, Earth %a Chris Stanfield and Shaun Torres (Natorre@ibm.net) %s A Dormant State In North America %d 19990120 %n 6U17 %x Earth %e Somewhere in the deepest, darkest region of North America, an unregarded state lies dormant. Nebraska, as many of you know, is the ancient Sioux word for "It doesn't really matter, any more than a whelk in a supernova". Nebraska was created to fill that nasty looking square hole on the map early in the 17th century. The pilgrims, of course, were too busy eating turkey to notice. It is a little know fact that a treaty signed in 1642, which is still in effect today, states that all citizens of Nebraska are subject to any spontaneous combustions or scalpings, which occur within its borders between August, 29 and August, 27 inclusive [1]. From 1642 until 1942 Nebraska was declared a complete waste of time. It was at this time, in 1942, that several mormons decided to start a small city in western Nebraska. This failed miserably, and resulted in the eventual downfall of the Soviet Union, though nobody but the head professor at the Massachussets Institute of Technology is sure exactly how, and quite frankly, no one cares. Although many tourists visit Nebraska, very few ever return home because most will change their religion and stay there doing odd jobs under the assumed name Mr. Peddleworthe. This has led to a drastic increase in the number of Peddleworthes in Nebraska and surrounding areas. If you ever plan on visiting Nebraska, we recommend that you find something else to do with your time, before it's too late. [1] Ed.: Take part in our "what the heck is the meaning of this sentence" competition and win one of the many special prizes, including a free 'hike to Nebraska' holiday! %e *EOA* %t Foot Reflexology %n 6U18 %s A Map Of The Body %a Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19990705 * multiple dates mean that an update occured. %d 19990625 %i Reflexology, Foot %x Shoe Civilisation %e Foot reflexology is the theory that at the feet all organs and glads are represented. This is especially true of the bladder. Events on the foot (e.g. a massage) can have healing effects on other parts of the body. While the effect of cold bathroom tiles is well known, it is unclear what part of the body blisters and corns affect. The most likely hypothesis states that it is the mouth, as it tends to deform and emit sounds like "ouch" when these injuries are pressed. Strangely enough, the feet are not represented in the feet. Therefore, injuries on the foot are best treated by sticking needles in, or massaging, the rest of the body (using e.g. ointments.) It is a little-known fact that mud-wrestlers have very healthy feet. An explanation for Foot Reflexology's effectiveness may be obtained by research involving phantom limbs and brain activity. Some regions of the brain lie so close to each other that they can affect each other. For instance the area dealing with feet and the area dealing with the genitals are close together. Whilst having sex, an amputee can experience feelings in his/her phantom foot. This may explain why foot-reflexology is so relaxing. Many WW-I reflexologist doctors were posthumously decorated for their courage shown in treating mustard-gas, gunshot, and shrapnel injuries of soldiers who were simultaneously growing camembert cultures between their toes, a common side effect of living in trenches. %e *EOA* %t Lunch %n 8U28 %s To Go Or Not To Go? %a Mish Bancroft (K.Bancroft@btinternet.com) %d 19981113 %x Lunchtime %x Quantum Mechanics Of Sandwiches In Lunchboxes %x Black Holes %x Fast Food %x Fossilised Hamburger Of St Albert, The %x Taco Moose %e When deciding on whether to have lunch several factors have to be taken into consideration. These are listed below: 1) Why do we have lunch? 2) When do we have lunch? 3) Who do we have lunch with? 4) What do we have for lunch? 5) Where do we have lunch? Let's cover these questions in more detail: 1. Why Do We Have Lunch? ========================= Because we are hungry! We also can have lunch to do things that we do not like to do, such as to have businesses meetings, or, more likely, to avoid them. Yes, it is actually more likely that you have lunch to _avoid_ work -- PGG editors and field researchers especially have a talent for this evasive manoeuvre. Using this excuse for not doing things can get you into problems though. Especially with humans, as they tend to prefer to have lunch at around noon... Here follows an example what kind of discussion you can then get sucked into: * "Are you coming to the lecture this evening or not?" * "No, sorry I have to have lunch." * "Lunch... in the evening?" * "Erm.. er...?" (At this point you find yourself with nothing to say, looking like a fish, wondering if you should have used the "I have to wash my hair" excuse instead...) 2. When Do We Have Lunch? ========================== In general, whenever you want, but mostly, as mentioned in the previous paragraph, when you are hungry and/or need some time off. Lunch is the most universal meal of the day, and should be considered as such. Some people like to pin it down on a specific hour between breakfast and dinner, but these people miss the joy that comes with the freedom of being able to enjoy lunch at any time of the day, say between lunch and... erm... lunch. 3. Who Do We Have Lunch With? ============================== The answer to, "who is paying?", answers the previous question. 4. What Do We Have For Lunch? ============================== This depends on what time of day it is, who you're eating with, and where you are. It can be a very sensitive subject. For example, it would not be advisable to ask for a 3 course meal in the Dromedan Asquiff Bar. In the Asquiff language, "Can I have a 3 course meal?" means "Can I have a free upgrade?" When followed by, "And I'll have a gin & tonic with that", which means, "Double click on the `Start' icon" the Asquiff will have definite proof that you are not making sense. And that's bad, because in Asquiff anyone who is thought to be insane or mentally unstable is immediately locked up in a white padded cell for at least twelve years, and force fed on the universal insanity cure, Bovril and cheese sandwiches. Good if you like Bovril and cheese, and if you _really_ have a mental illness, but if you prefer Marmite, this may become a problem. Most hitchhikers prefer to have some `normal' hiking food for lunch, i.e. junk food, beer, milkshakes, or something along those lines. Hitchhikers just don't have time to wait for e.g. a stable-being to catch, pluck, and roast a chicken (or any other animal that tastes like one). 5. Where Do We Have Lunch? =========================== Here follows a hoopy list of places all around the universe to eat lunch at: Birozoid: Club For Demented Biro Lovers ---------------------------------------- Are you the owner of an extremely profitable second hand Biro business? Yes? Then this is the place for you. Location: Salunox Ganun How to get there: This is very difficult. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is just down the road, and 10 is a location deep inside a black hole, the route rates 10. Unless you _are_ in a black hole, then it rates 1. But first make sure you are in fact _in_ a black hole, and it isn't just a piece of grit on the scanner-scope. For more information on this delightful eating establishment and its surrounding area, read the article on Black Holes, which will go some way into explaining how and why lost biros end up in black holes. Birozoid clubs are found in every black hole, and have come into existence as a side effect of the exploitation of the black holes' characteristic of collecting lost biros. This is, namely, how extremely profitable second-hand biro businesses are founded. The clubs are also wonderful places to relax, if you happen to already be a second-hand biro entrepreneur. Because no-one has a hope in hell of getting there, you can relax with other very successfull second-hand biro entrepeneurs, and have some time off. Relax and take it easy while enjoying a nice ultra-cool drink and look at the events of the universe as they rush by outside. Fook`n'Dance bar ---------------- The food in this pub probably has the worst reputation in the whole of the known universe. This is because whatever you order, you get something suspiciously similar to a cheese and Bovril sandwich. Which has been in the back pocket of a whole team of construction workers. For a year. Also, beware the evil jukebox that is found in the right hand corner of this `classic' establishment, as the music it plays, whichever CD you happen to have selected, is cheesy. Location: Sernesa Squarnof How to get there: Taxi drivers are on a contract to drop you off at this place whenever you ask them to "just go someplace". So take a cab and just go some place. The Karnos ---------- A place to play some wonderful games. For instance: Guessing the unknown ingredient in the Srangretian lager. Although I wouldn't suggest you order this, as it looks worse than it tastes and smells worse that it looks. Looking into the large reinforced titanium (as the acidic content in this lager is unusually high, which possibly accounts somewhat for its taste) drinking glass in which it is served, you may see the future. I myself, on looking into the glass did see my reflection looking somewhat greener than I usually like it to be, and somewhat more tired and hung-over than I was when I entered the bar. Drinking a whole glass is considered to be a very good party trick, though, and can be used to your advantage during bets etc.. Order the lamb curry, and you'll find it to have a pleasant curried lamb flavour. The lamb curry looks precisely like a lamb curry, which is rather unusual, firstly as it is the only place in the Universe where lamb curry actually looks like lamb curry. Secondly this is unusual seeing as it is actually made of a mixture of whale kidney, banana, dog hair and pig eyeballs. Amazingly enough, this is quite nice, as long as you happen to like curried lamb flavour, and happen to be blind. (Have you actually ever seen a lamb curry which looks like _real_ lamb curry?) Location: Arht How to get there: it is really easy to get there, but it took me two weeks to discover that. I took a wrong turn at Orion and turned up on Stinky Stinkoid, so I'll be damned if I tell _you_! Cames Smegole ------------- Were you thinking of going here? Don't! Don't even think about it! This is an actual hell hole. The bar area is just a desolate well. OK, not exactly desolate, but pretty dark, dank and dirty anyway. In case you are thinking "Hmmm, sounds good, a bit like the back of my kitchen cupboard, where I keep my supply of twelve year old cheese and Bovril sandwiches" then you're probably a blubber-slug from Ahrt, and yes, it is probably a bit like the back of your cupboard. But only if your sandwiches are the size of a large country mansion, stinking of rotten egg and Hunfg Warf Sarq. In case you didn't know, Hunfg Warf Sarq is the same texture as sponge cake, it has the same colour as pink mould, and it has the same pungent smell of an extremely old pig that hasn't washed for at least twenty five decades. Back to my point: don't go there! Several cultures have been whiped out by bacteria originating in this bar. Location: Hunfg Warf How to get there: do you still want to know? You're sick! The Canteen ----------- "Da da da dumm..." This lunch location is the temporary resting place for all PGG editors and other miscellaneous persons who have something to do with PGG. The beings that you are likely to encounter there will talk to you for hours about various PGG policies, life, the universe in general, how good the food is, and how many other strange people you can meet around and about the place. The food here can be looked at in many different ways. The first way you can look at it is from a distance of twenty-thousand kilometres. But it's not so bad, really. Another way to look at it is that it's better than nothing, and occasionally tastes better than water (which is said to taste of nothing, but I find it tastes of water.) The third way you can look at it is that it is better than making something yourself. The fourth way you can look at it is that they serve the best Bovril and Cheese sandwiches in the universe, hence the large PGG Population. The fifth way you can look at it is that you don't have to order food with a larger nutritional value than a glass of water (you can order junk instead). The sixth way you can look at it is that you will have to be eating around PGG editors. Need I say more? Location: In the PGG HQ. Usually this is found on an exotic beach somewhere, but as the top guys prefer a change of scenery every now and then, its exact location is hard to find. How to get there: ask your editor. Taco Moose ---------- Read field researcher Daniel J. Geduld's article. Location: practically everywhere. How to get there: well, try next door for a start. All this rushing around the Universe researching all of these places to eat has made me hungry, so if you don't mind I'll just pop off to get myself some lunch. %e *EOA* %t Zarn Measurement System, The %n 8U29 %s On The Origin Of The Zarn %a Kevin McCluney (ksm44622@pegasus.cc.ucf.edu) %d 19990519 %x Weird Units Of Measure %e Now will be made public my new discovery/invention for everyone to use with pride and spiffy fuzzy things, like hamsters. Well, not like hamsters. But it still works. Anyway, I present to you... the Zarn. My inspiration came sometime in chemistry class last semester, trying to convert unit to unit to unit, and back again. I just thought, "Damn this cursed English system! It makes no sense! Metric isn't much better. It's all arbitrary anyway! What does any of this matter?" Then, it hit me. What if there was one unit that could be used for everything, since everything is fundamentally the same stuff anyway? Thus the Zarn was born. It works. Really. And it's so beautifully simple. Here's why: the Zarn measures everything about every and any object. _Everything_, all at once. Or, if the situation calls for it, it can measure only one trait. Or 2. Or 3. Or 0. Or 42. It doesn't matter to the Zarn. Also, (here's the key) remember that our number system is totally arbitrary as well. The only reason we use base 10 is because we have 10 fingers. If we had been given 2.4 fingers, we'd be using 2.4 as a base. Anyway... Seeing as all numbers are arbitrary, and all units of measurement are correspondingly arbitrary, it doesn't matter what you use for anything. So just say that the armadillo is 42 Zarns. 'Nuff said. Now you know everything (or nothing, accordingly) about the armadillo's mass, volume, speed, color, and what kind of music it listens to. Or, if someone asks you how fast you car can go, say 13 Zarns. That's it. Here's the formula: The (object/event, whatever) (is/has/weighs/reflects/ steps on, etc.) (any number in any form) Zarns. Simple. To help familiarize yourself with the Zarn, I have written a small little test to see if you get it. Here it is. 1) You're watching TV. What time is Zorg's Animals on? Answer: 13 Zarns 2) How much do you weigh? Answer: -1979.42 Zarns 3) How cool are the Smashing Pumpkins? Answer: Zero Zarns. (Reply: Wow! That's _really_ cool.) 4) Huh? What? Answer: 28 Zarns. 5) An elephant eats 8 Zarns worth of apple and 34 Zarns worth of fish. How many Zarns is that in total? Answer: 12 Zarns. 6) A college student is driving his gray and blue truck home from Orlando to Cocoa, total distance: 8 Zarns. His speed is 79 Zarns. He is 3 Zarns behind a van. If an armadillo jumps in front of his truck, how many Zarns will he have to turn the steering wheel to miss the armadillo by 13,197,942 Zarns? Answer: He doesn't even need to turn the wheel, the armadillo gets out of the way at a speed of 45 Zarns. So, there you have it. The Zarn. It is very usefully when you don't know an answer to a question someone asks you. I'm not saying that you give them the wrong answer, no! See, using Zarns, you can figure the answer out. Any Zarnian number can be used to figure another one out. If you don't know one, simply assign any number (x) to trait (or traits) (y). See? Easy enough, even for me. I'm still working on getting this measuring system approved and in wide use. I tried it on my last test and it didn't work. For some reason, my professor just seemed to get angry with me when I explained the Zarn to him. It turns out he hadn't even heard of it! Clearly, I am ahead of him, using this cutting-edge system of math that he hasn't even heard of yet! So, I give to you all the Zarn. Please remember just a couple of things in the future. I don't mind if I don't get credit for inventing/discovering the Zarn. Just be absolutely sure you don't give credit to someone other than me. %e *EOA* * * End of file: UREAL07.NEW * Share and Enjoy! *