* Id: BristolUK * Revision: 1 * State: submitted * * Log: * Revision 1 1999/04/16 DS * Initial submitted version. * * Checked-out 1999/05/21 Roel van der Meulen Return-path: Received: from pop.argonet.co.uk [194.131.104.13] by argbg34.argonet.co.uk with pop3 (ANTmail1.29b) id po0182946; Thu, 15 Apr 99 19:37 +0100 Envelope-to: mseaborn@argonet.co.uk Delivery-date: Thu, 15 Apr 1999 18:56:52 +0100 Received: from (silk.spiders.net) [206.24.0.7] by golden.argonet.co.uk with smtp (Exim 1.82 #3) id 10XqNe-0001Qo-00; Thu, 15 Apr 1999 18:56:50 +0100 Received: (qmail 29213 invoked by uid 2590); 15 Apr 1999 17:56:46 -0000 Delivered-To: cleggp-megadodo-mark@megadodo.com Received: (qmail 29210 invoked by uid 2590); 15 Apr 1999 17:56:46 -0000 Delivered-To: cleggp-megadodo-submit@megadodo.com Received: (qmail 29207 invoked from network); 15 Apr 1999 17:56:45 -0000 Received: from fig.mail.easynet.net (195.40.1.46) by silk.spiders.net with SMTP; 15 Apr 1999 17:56:45 -0000 Received: (qmail 13829 invoked from network); 15 Apr 1999 17:55:50 -0000 Received: from david.s.easynet.co.uk (HELO default) (212.212.72.39) by fig.mail.easynet.net with SMTP; 15 Apr 1999 17:55:50 -0000 From: "DS" To: Subject: Bristol, UK Date: Thu, 15 Apr 1999 19:00:17 +0100 Message-ID: <01be8769$d20c7460$0100007f@localhost> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Priority: 3 X-MSMail-Priority: Normal X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.71.1712.3 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.71.1712.3 Status: X-IS-UID: 924207947 Bristol is a pretty large city toward the bottom end of the British Isles. It has a fairly big population (largely descended from farmers, scarecrows and slaves) and a growing university/tourist industry. Things you want to do in Bristol are take a stroll along the Watershed boulevard on a sunny day and pay a visit to the cinema where they show old black and white arty films to farty students who sip coffee and look haggard; lean over Bristol Bridge and try to spot as many unidentifiable floating things in the river as possible then try to identify them; cycle to the top of Park road then free wheel it back down again at top speed, taking in the mind-numbing view of the old city as you do; get blind drunk at the Llandogger Trough, take the piss out of the students in the student lounge then catch the last bus home and have a really interesting conversation with one of the other inebriated ape-descended life forms you will then definately encounter. Things you don't want to do in Bristol are, be anywhere near the centre of the city past nine o clock on a Saturday night; read any tourist brochures or visit any tourist centre (the level of condescention you will encounter may cause you long term mental health problems); talk about how Bristol City FC aren't that good really considering they represent such a large city, very loudly, in a pub and in earshot of anyone with a broad Bristolian accent; remember the jist of the drunken conversation you had with an inebriated bloke on the last bus home the night before. Local language you should go out of your way to use when in and around Bristol are: intit (isn't it), intchew (aren't you), reet (alright? hello, how are you), marnen (good morning), owmech? (how much? That price really is rather steep), innum (isn't it), sad (pertaining to a person who abstains from drinking alcohol), gohgeh k'bab (term used frequently after attending a night club or public house) gohgeh kerry (see goh geh k'bab) Some things you probably never knew about Bristol Isenbard Brunel built the famous Clifton Suspension Bridge, Bristol's trademark, but he popped off before the bridge could be completed and the bridge remained half built for ages after he died. The correct pronounciation of Bristol is Bristow. Contrary to popular belief Bristolians don't add L's to the end of every word they do infact completely ignore L's. Examples - areet (alright) tropicaw (tropical) appaw (apple). Bristol's thriving homeless population is one of the smelliest and most inebriated in the whole of the UK. The swans that live on the river Avon and can be seen from any bridge in the city centre are in fact mutated algae. The ancient Britons who founded Bristol worshipped rocks.