* Id: Drunkenness * Revision: 2 * State: edited * * Log: * Revision 1 1998/03/05 John Murphy * Initial submitted version. * * Checked-out 1998/08/23 Alex McLintock * * Revision 2 1998/08/23 Alex McLintock * Editing changes. 1234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456 %t Drunkenness * Formatted by WinPGG v1.5 Beta 2 (1998/03/03) %n R %s Definition, Consequences, General How-To %a John Murphy (JMurph10@wvu.edu) %d 19980303 %e Drunk: Adjective, displaying a state of being intoxicated. Intoxication: Noun, the state of being drunk Very Drunk: Adjective Phrase, Alcohol-induced state whereas the above two lines make perfect sense. Drunkenness has a long, distinguished history in the affairs of mankind. Unfortunately, nobody remembers much more than a haze punctuated periodically by singing and the wearing of lamp-shades on one's head. It results from the over-imbibing of alchohol, a hydrocarbon marked by a tradmark Oxygen-Hydrogen chain. In particular, drunkenness is the result of the over-imbibing of grain, or ethyl alchohol. [1] The action of getting drunk tends to go as follows: Subject begins consuming an alcoholic beverage. Subject finishes first beverage, and begins a second. Subject makes comment about the government, local women, or current job. Subject finishes second drink, starts a third. Subject makes even more provocative comment about one of the above topics Repeat until intoxicated or knocked cold after a comment about local women. Drunkenness is the favoured state for philosophy, astronomy and the writing of Hemingway novels. It is considered a favourite past-time by college students and losers. Beer is the favoured instrument for intoxication. It is relatively cheap, carbonated, and has a mild alcohol content. An aquired taste by any means, it varies in qualiy to a strong, heady brew, to American beer. Drinking beer in America can be unpleasant - it tends to be more bitter and more watery. A good British or German brew is often your best bet. Beer tends to be rather bitter, the result of the addition of hops to the brew. Hops are small, greenish things, looking not dissimilar to shrivelled, green Smurf skulls. It takes a good amount of beer to get truly drunk, and a hangover is often the result. Hangovers will be discussed later. Mead, while not as common, is a sweet, strong drink, made from honey. A better way to get drunk than beer, but again, you are in hang-over territory here. Wine is another traditional drunkenness-facilitating agent. In fact, the word "wino" stems from this very time-worn practice. Beware, as it takes a great deal of time and a large bladder to get drunk from wine. Gin, scotch, and other such "hard liquors" are not recommended methods to get drunk. It is very easy to do, but many of these contain toxins - particularly gin - which can cause hangovers. If you're strong, there's also sake, Japanese rice wine. Strong stuff, usually served warm, like brandy. I haven't heard about the hangover properties of sake, one way or another. Be warned. Your best bet is vodka. Good old fashioned potato liquor, a Russian's best friend. [2] While vodka can be drunk straight, it is often mixed with fruit juices, like orange juices, or other alcoholic beverages, like Kahlua. The normal place of drunkenness is bars. Bars, despite peddling in a depressant, are known as social places. In them, you can meet new people, play games, lose money, occasionally view naked women, and, of course, drink. Bars tend to go hand-in-hand with cigarette smoke, so if you are asthmatic, you'll just have to find an alternate place of intoxication. Warning to females in bars - do not leave your drinks unattended, as people tend to put things in them, ranging in danger from saliva to drugs. Also, do not drink out of ashtrays, no matter how broke you are. Bars also will often provide a taxi ride home. The second-best place to get drunk is at a party. If there is a cover charge, chances are, you will get drunk. If there is not, then you'll just have to take your chances. If you are new to a city, then I have one word for you: crash. Bring a large bottle of decent alcohol, vague references to a friend named John, and your own lamp-shade, and you are set. Just be aware that these are people you don't know, most of whom have something in common. You don't know what they have in common. The natural result of drunkenness is, first off, impaired reflexes. Playing darts is not as easy as it used to be, though certainly more exciting in a crowded room. Driving is straight out, as drunks tend to be attracted to bright lights. Like headlights, or light reflected off water. Not good. Social skills are also affected. Drunks tend to be much more open and likely to wear lamp-shades on their heads. Lastly, the hangover. A painful condition resulting from built-up toxins in the bloodstream. Not fatal, but not pleasant. Have sunglasses ready, and take a couple Tylenol before you go to bed. The hangover is the single biggest reason that nobody goes to bars on Sunday night. That said, Good luck, bon voyage, happy drinking! [1] The over-imbibing of Methyl, or wood alcohol, results in death. [2] The Irish seem to prefer whiskey, another good drunkenness inducing agent. %e *EOA*