* * IDEABANK: IDEA04.BNK (Article Ideas) * * DATE: 19980303 * * * NUMBER OF ARTICLE IDEAS: 24 * (The hope is that this number will get smaller and smaller...) * * * * I76 -- Equine Language, The * I77 -- Life, Earth * I78 -- Reasons To Avoid Places * I79 -- Red Rings Around Uranus * I80 -- Disaster Tourists * (I81) -- Zzzzz (written and removed) * I82 -- Farmers, Agricultural * I83 -- Magnetic Bracelets * I84 -- Guide Authors * I85 -- Net Nomads * I86 -- News, How To Get It Free On The Internet * I87 -- Missoula, Montana, USA, Earth * I88 -- Saint Nicholas, The Real Version * I89 -- Long Words * I90 -- Thanksgiving * I91 -- Tipping In The USA * I92 -- Sandwiches * I93 -- Rhyming Slang * I94 -- Millenium Dome, Greenwich, London, UK, Earth * I95 -- National Dishes Of England, UK, Earth * I96 -- WD-40 * I97 -- Olympic Games, The * I98 -- Agalgui Fiereg, The (or whatever other acronym) * I99 -- Chewing Gum * I100 -- Chinese Food, Deviations From The Original * * %t Equine Language, The %n I76 real %s How To Speak Horse %c Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19960424 %i Dictionary Of Human To Horse %e Horse language is mainly body language. This dictionary, or list of notions, attempts to give a list of actions so horses understand you. I like you = You belong to my group = Have some dinner = ? I saw a documentary about the language of horses on the BBC once, but unfortunately I didn't get the idea to write an article about it then and there, and now I can't remember it. %e *EOA* %t Life, Earth %n I77 real %s Classification Of All Life On Earth %x Burgess Shale %d 19950304 %e Here's an idea for an article that someone who knows more about the subject than me, a biologist for instance, can write: Life, Earth Of course I don't mean *all* life has to be mentioned , but first the major categories. If people feel the need they can branch the tree further down. The first categories after "Life" are, as everyone knows, animal and plant. But I believe there are some things which are neither. From the BBC documentary about the life of plants I think I learned that fungi are one of those other categories. Are there more? Maybe one further branching can be done: the major categories of animal life and maybe plant life. %e *EOA* %t Reasons To Avoid Places %n I78 real %s Places To Avoid In Certain Seasons And At Certain Times %e I remember that Alex once had a sub- or alternative title named "Places To Avoid". Now, the program [1] also showed the noisiest insect around: the cicada. They told that the choirs of this insect sound in Sydney during the summer, and that they were a good reason to avoid that city during summer. This made me think of the fact that almost every place there is, has a time/date when you should make sure you are NOT there. Either because of insects, or certain 'festivities', or whatever. Active things anyway, not just boredom. Active nuisances. Now why don't we list all those places, when not to be there, for what reason, in one article? Idea for format: Sydney, Australia, Summer, Noise (Cicadas) And here begins a detailed description of the nuisance. Certain weather conditions, Vulcano eruptions, Alien parties, Waste disposal, to give you some ideas. [1] I was just watching a program I had taped from the BBC, "alien empires" or "insect empires", I don't rember exactly, but they gave me some ideas for new articles. One scene gave us a picture of some insects in Australia, blue beetles I think (I have to watch the tape again), where the males recognise the best females to mate with by their size (the bigger the better), their texture and their colour. Their 'program' is so inflexible that they nearly became extinct by ignoring all their females and humping bottles of beer, throw out the windows of lorries. The comment said that it was solved by changing the texture of the bottles. I think I could make out the text on the bottle, "emu export lager". Now, didn't we have an article on that? Looks like interesting information to add to the article. "Emu Export Lager, Goddess Of The Blue Beetles". %e *EOA* %t Red Rings Around Uranus %n I79 %a Robin Starveling (vicnangl@airmail.net) %d 19960629 %e Mrs. Sarah JessieMay Parker of Saratoga, Florida, USA, EARTH, holds Douglas Adams personally responsible for the red rings she has discovered circling around her anus. She believes he should be held personally responsible for this ailment of a red ring around her butt cuz she sits on the toilet (even when she doesn't _have_ to) reading The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy cover to cover. Either Louise DeRosa or David Kraics (and who can tell really because they look so much alike) have pointed out "There is also a popular child's toy called "Red Rings". Coincidence?" Coincidence indeed. Recent research at the Forbidden Sciences Research Laboratories, located in a dimension not very far from what's left of your mind have concluded that this cannot possibly be the fault of one man. It is most definitely a global conspiracy. The researchers at FSRL (this acronym is pronounced similar to NASA (NAA-saa) only no one can agree on exactly HOW to pronounce it. It usually comes out somewhere between "floss" and "Roel") performed a series of tests on volunteers in which they had some use the facilities with nothing but The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide available to read, and a second group with huge piles of Time, Life, People, Newsweek, and National Enquirer publications available. A third group, known as the Control Group, were given absolutely nothing to ponder upon while in the facilities. A fourth group were given prune juice an hour before beginning the experiment (just because FSRL is mean to their volunteers). The other groups were given chili made by one of the lab assistants. This chili has been known to gag some moose, and has a tendency to perpetuate constipation. The results of these experiments were quite interesting. The latter two beforementioned groups showed no signs of red rings at all. However, beforementioned groups showed no signs of red rings at all. However, the first two groups had almost identical red rings around their respective anuses. This provoked a long disussion by the research team regarding what was the proper way to pluralize the word "anus." From this argument came the old argument of how to pronounce FSRL. They finally agreed to disagree and went for a burger. The co-conspirators in this dastardly conspiracy to permanently abuse and disfigure our hindends no doubt want us to feel serenity and security in the visual stimulus of red rings. Therefore they introduce this into our lives at an early age. Perhaps it is an attempt to insure that the majority of our society gets through potty training. Could it be possible that this entire heinous conspiracy was concocted by aliens who "spread their seed" here millenia ago, and want to insure an entire populous of potty-trained, red-ring-marked descendants? The research does not support this hypothesis. Robin wrote before he wrote the above: > My wife and myself are working on an article tentatively about "Red Ring > Syndrome." She thinks that Berke Breathed is personally responsible for > this ailment of a red ring around her butt cuz she sits on the toilet > (even when she doesn't _have_ to) reading my collection of Bloom > County/Outland books. > > She goes "I'll just read one more page," and she ends up reading ten or > so more. Like she's ENTRANCED... > > I think it's much more detailed than that. Publications like Time, > Newsweek, People, and the like are also responsible. > > I'm sure there are other similar ailments, and other corporate publishing > houses whose products can be attributed to this serious ailment upon > one's bottom. Any other input on this would be appreciated. %e *EOA* %t Disaster Tourists %n I80 %c Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19960717 %e Every major disaster gives the rescuers two things to do: save the victims and keep disaster tourists away. Like lemmings these people are attracted to the misery of others, causing major inconvenience. The same process that causes this is responsible for the many reality programs on TV, with poeple squashed to a pulp and open heart surgeries. It also causes traffic jams on highways on the road going the other way. Why do people do this, even when there is so little chance to actually see anything? %e *EOA* %t Farmers, Agricultural %n I82 real %c Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19961001 * Trying to capture a small idea into a PGG-worthy definition.. first attempt %e Farmers (Agricultural): Brave men and women in constant struggle with Death. On the one hand death will occur if crops are harvested to soon and fed to their dimwitted customers. On the other hand, if the fine balance is not found, the crops will rot and wither away. %e *EOA* %t Magnetic Bracelets %n I83 real %c Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19961014 %e Magnetic bracelets are non-closed circular bracelets, with two magnetic beads at the ends. They are supposed to give you good health, and many an unsuspecting customer can be found to wear one of those shiny things. The irony reached a peak when a few years back a (then) slightly famous Dutch artist advertised the said bracelet in the same boulevard magazine that featured an article on his demise. %e *EOA* %t Guide Authors %n I84 real %c Robin Starveling (myst@onramp.net) %d 19960712 %e There are alot of articles describing them individually. Having one article describing them in general and also maybe how to become one, or WHY you shouldn't become one, or WHY IN &%$# WOULD YOU WANT TO BECOME ONE?? might be interesting. You could link them all to that one article and so newbies like me would have a better chance to know what the &%$# is going on. It could then be linked to the serious articles that explain how one interacts with the Guide Editors, like "Article Writing Guide For Field Researchers And Guide Editors" for example. Just a thought. I was going to try my hand at writing it on the fly, but don't know enough yet for it to be any good. I'd probably go into how they are unsung heroes and work very hard without even getting peanuts in return, then go into a rambling tirade about whether or not they would want peanuts in the first place and how should I know because I'm not even a guide editor myself yada yada yada. Someone with more experience maybe should tackle this one. %e *EOA* %t Net Nomads %n I85 real %s The Standard Jokes That Travel From Website To Website %c Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19961023 %e Newbies notice some of the more funny jokes on the net, the ones that experienced users have seen pass tens of times, and put them on their website. On other websites, people bored with them throw them away. So, a lot of these documents travel from site to site, never to stay anywhere very long... %e *EOA* %t News, How To Get It Free On The Internet %n I86 real %s Well Okay, Not _Entirely_ Free %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19971112 %e Obviously PGG can't provide you with up-to-the-minute news, because it's non-profit-making and people don't have the time to write news up-to-the-minute for nothing. However, there are more and more Web sites appearing that publish national, international or regional news. Examples are: * The Daily Telegraph (http://www.telegraph.co.uk) * The Times (http://www.the-times.co.uk) * The BBC (http://news.bbc.co.uk) * Probably ITV too; local newspapers, US newspapers, etc. This article would tell you how to get all your news for free, not counting the cost of the phone bill of course, and then you might print it out... All in all, it's probably best to buy the sodding newspaper, subsidised by the advertisers. But the Web sites are handy to search. %e *EOA* %t Missoula, Montana, USA, Earth %n I87 real %a Ben Hausmann (aka Count Zero) (countzero@whoever.com) %d 19971117 %x Earth %e I think that an artical on Missoula, Montana, USA, Earth is needed... however, I am to busy to write one at the moment and think that the following should be put as as the Missoula, Montana, USA, Earth entry till I am able to up-date. Missoula, Montana, USA, Earth: a place, sort of. %e *EOA* %t Saint Nicholas, The Real Version %n I88 real * Put together by %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19971204 %i Nicholas, Saint, The Real Version %i Santa Claus: The Real Saint Nick %x Sinterklaas, A Dutch Tradition %x Santa Claus, Existence Of %x Santa Claus, The Early Years %x Santa Claus, The Privatisation Of %e In the alt.galactic-guide newsgroup, David Hall was commenting on Roel's article about the Netherlands' Sinterklaas. In article , Nomad of Norad (David Hall) wrote: > Are there any other articles planned for other countries' versions of the > Santa Clause myth, or have we got them all covered already? > > Has anyone done an article on St Nicolas, the Roman Catholic saint? I > mean, him as apposed to the character we now think of when someone > mentions the name. The stories and myths about the Roman Catholic saint > are even stranger than the Santa Claus myth! On A&E's (Arts and > Entertainment channel) Biography series, there was a documentary on him, > and how stories about him evolved over the years to become the Santa Claus > we know today. I suppose they probably have it out on video by now. But, > the St Nicolas of long ago was NOTHING like Santa Claus! In fact. > originally, he was not even related to Christmas! Anyway, he was the > patron saint of children, and gave gifts to the needy, and even came to > the rescue of endangered children. At one point, according to myth, he > even tracked down a group of missing children who'd been abducted by some > bad guy and, when the saint found them murdured and chopped up into a > pickle vat, he resurrected them all and returned them to their families. While editing Roel's Sinterklaas article, I had also wondered what the proper spelling of St Nick's name is. Roel had pointed out that Sint Nicolaas was the Dutch version, but that St Nicolaus might be more international. I looked it up: > I've looked it up (in a Babies' Names dictionary!): > > * "Nicholas" is from the Greek. Examples: St. Nicholas (Santa Claus), > etc. > * "Nicolas" is Spanish for "Nicholas". > > This is slightly odd if Sinterklaas is supposed to be related to Spain, in > which case you would expect it to be "Nicolas". However, as St. Nick > actually came from Turkey, "Nicholas" is more likely since Turkey is > closer to Greece. And since the dictionary says Santa is a "Nicholas", > I'm going with that. %e *EOA* %t Long Words %n I89 real %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980112 %i Words, Long %e Long words are neat. (No, that's not quite an oxymoron.) You can use them to impress people; you can use them to confuse people. Long words can help save space in the long run by packing extra meaning into a smaller, better-defined place. But then, jargon or abbreviations often serve that prupose better. Some good examples of long words are: antidisestablishmentarianism (28 letters) -- The canonical example of a long word. It can be broken into bits to figure out its meaning: * the Establishment is a group having authority; * so disestablishment refers to the desire to get rid of the Establishment and * disestablishmentarian means much the same; * so antidisestablishmentarians are opposed to disestablishmentarians (they are in favour of the Establishment, or at least not opposed to it) * and so antidisestablishmentarianism refers to the body of thought of the antidisestablishmentarians. internationalisation (20 letters) -- Simple to understand, this one. floccinoccihilipilification (27 letters) -- This means something like "estimating without due cause" (or something). It's pronounced "flocky-nocky-hilly-pilly-fick-ay-shun". supercalifragilisticexpialadocious (sp?) will probably spring to the mind of most people, but it's not really a word; it doesn't have any meaning. Although not stricly a very long word, defenestration is a good word. Defenestrate means something like "to throw out of the window". Robert Rankin uses this word not infrequently in one of his books! German (and other Germanic languages) tend to have a lot of long words, due to their tendancy to string words together in one word to form new words. It must make the task of writing a German spelling checker dictionary hell. %e *EOA* %t Thanksgiving %n I90 real %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980215 %e What is Thanksgiving, when is it, and why do Americans bother to celebrate it? It seems to be something to do with pilgrim fathers going to America, but why is a specific day chosen? It is all a mystery to this non-American. %e *EOA* %t Tipping In The USA %n I91 real %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980215 %i USA, Tipping In The %i America, Tipping In %x Professions: Waitering: How To Get Tips %e Tipping at restaurants, cafes, etc. is the standard thing to do in the US. Waiters and waitresses get paid very low, and so they need tips. There definitely needs to be an article on this subject, since a lot of travellers from outside the US probably get caught out on this. PGG is a travel guide, after all. %e *EOA* %t Sandwiches %n I92 real %s Tasty Filling Layer Sandwiched Between Multiple Disjoint Bread Layers %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980215 %d 19980225 Added Roel's comment %x Quantum Mechanics Of Sandwiches In Lunchboxes %x Quartered Sandwiches %x Gruenau, Namibia, Africa, Earth * This mentions the Earl of Sandwich: %x High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, England, UK, Earth %e Who invented the sandwich? The Earl of Sandwich, of course, when he wanted something compact and handy to eat. Or so the myth goes -- is it true? Sandwiches vary according to the part of the world you are in. If you're in Britain, sandwiches are relatively small. It is difficult to find a British sandwich with more filling than bread. In America, sandwiches are huge, and the filling typically _does_ take up more space than the bread. You get a lot more food, and variety, for your money. However, since they're so big, the contents tend to fall out easily, so they're not so convenient (they would probably not meet the Earl of Sandwich's original design requirements!). In Germanic countries, normal sandwiches seem practically nonexistent. At least, in Austria and Switzerland, you only seem to get bread, butter and cheese or ham, and you often have to make up your own sandwich. However, toasted sandwiches are more common (generally with cheese/ham/both) -- bear in mind that they are just called "toast", though. Don't ask me what German for sandwich is. What about other countries? France has baguettes at least; not sure whether they count as sandwiches. Incidentally, prawn sandwiches are nice. On Wed 25 Feb, Roel van der Meulen wrote: > Browsing through new developments in PGG on a not particularly productive > moment, I came across you Sandwich article idea, and I've got some more on > the toasted sandwich. The toasted sandwich is very popular in the > Netherlands - you can buy it in almost every cantina. Mostly with ham and > cheese in between. I've got a reference to it in footnote 4 of my > Terschelling article. %e *EOA* %t Rhyming Slang %n I93 real %s How To Bastardise The English Language Effectively %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980220 %i Slang, Rhyming %i Cockney Rhyming Slang %e An article about rhyming slang, listing examples, would be handy for foreigners struggling to decipher English TV programmes, and perhaps for tourists trying to sound like locals (and end up sounding utterly in the process). Some examples: Slang Short form Meaning Example ----- ---------- ------- ------- Aristotle Aris bottle Aristotle Aris arse (because Aris = bottle = arse!) apples and pears apples stairs Adam and Eve - believe Would you Adam and Eve it? bottle and glass bottle arse brown bread - dead bricks and mortar - daughter butcher's hook butcher's look Take a butcher's at that! china plate china mate Alright, me old china? currant bun - sun cobbler's awls cobbler's balls What a load of cobbler's! dickie bird dickie word Not a dickie bird! half-inch - pinch (steal) Jimmy Riddle Jimmy piddle Mickey Mouse - house (theatre) pig's ear pig beer pork pies porkies lies You've bin tellin' porkies! rabbit and pork rabbit talk Richard the Third Richard turd rub-a-dub-dub rub-a-dub pub trouble and strife - wife There are *lots* more examples, of course. Two handy Web pages are [URL http://www.accessv.com/~alderton/rh_slang.htm] and [URL http://www.embl-hamburg.de/~Peter/cockney-faq.html]. Some of these are quite illuminating, in fact. Lots of people talk about "rabbiting on", and they probably no longer realise it comes from the rhyming slang (in fact, I didn't until now); the same goes for pork pies. Aris = arse is particularly interesting because it's a pathological case: two rhyming steps are needed to match the two words! Why did rhyming slang develop? Possibly in markets so that traders could communicate without the customers knowing their were being ripped off. Possibly in prisons so that inmates could talk without the guards listening in. As with all slang, it exists to exclude people and identify others in groups. However, it doesn't really add any information (unlike hacker slang), it just obfuscates. When did it develop? %e *EOA* %t Millennium Dome, Greenwich, London, UK, Earth %n I94 vapourware %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980217 %i Dome, The Millennium %i Mandelsonium, The %i Millennium Experience, The %i Peter Mandelson's Millennium Dome %i Heseltine's Folly %e The Millennium Dome is a spectacular waste of the British taxpayer's money. Costing about 750 million pounds in total [1], the Dome is a huge... well, dome, situated on the edge of the Thames on an old rubbish tip in Greenwich in London, in the south-east corner of Great Britain where it's easy for everyone to get to, celebrating Nothing Much In Particular. It's seven different sections. (Furniture, gardening equipment, electrical appliances...) It's going to have something to do with religion in, so don't worry about that. But you realise it can't just be Christianity represented, we have to do all the other religions too, because Britain is a multi-racial, multi-belief country, you know. Only religion isn't appropriate in something celebrating the millennium, or so someone says. There will be something about time, where we've come from, stuff like that. Er, only we're not too sure ourselves what this will involve yet. There most definitely _won't_ be anything even _remotely_ resembling anything found in Disney World, and anything that looks a bit Disney World-like isn't really, honest. It's coincidence. It's going to have a huge nude statue in it (gender unknown). It's going to be really good. Really, really good. There's a kid of about 10 who's helping, so it'll be really good. Tell your friends about how good the Millennium Dome is going to be because, aha, we wouldn't want any nasty road accidents involving buses next week, now would we? Other Important Information =========================== How to get there: just follow everyone else... If you want to know more, write to Peter Mandelson, the minister without portfolio. Address your letters to "Mandy, House of Commons". [1] That must be almost a billion US dollars; and we all know such projects always overflow their budget. %e *EOA* %t National Dishes Of England, UK, Earth %n I95 real %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980217 %i English National Dishes %i Food: English National Dishes %e America has the burger, Italy has the pizza [1]. So what national dishes does England have? * Fish and chips. A good old favourite, this one, although these days the fish will be caught by Spanish fishermen. * Roast Sunday lunch. Roast potatoes, roast meat (pork, lamb, etc.), and so on. Probably on the wane. * Curry. This may surprise you, but Indian food is rapidly becoming an English national dish. Eating too much Indian food, ordering too many poppadoms, choosing a vindaloo that is _way_ too hot, and then throwing up/sitting on the bog for hours the next day is now a traditional custom. Also, chicken tikka masala is apparently purely an English invention. There's probably more... [1] Although depicting Italy _as_ a pizza doesn't go down too well with their politicians, apparently. %e *EOA* %t WD-40 %n I96 real %s The Magical Fixing Substance %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980218 %d 19980224 Jon Harmon quote added %x Red Dwarf %e Kryten: Oh, what _is_ that fragrance? It smells divine! Camille: WD-40. Kryten: I knew it! That's what I use on _my_ neck hinges too! -- _Red Dwarf_, series 4 episode 1, "Camille" If life were found on other planets, it would be like WD-40. Apparently, WD-40 is an intelligent substance: you can spray it on a hinge or something mechanical that has seized up, and it will fix it automagically. Or so I am told. Some people have WD-40 sloshing around inside their watches to make sure their watch always works... Erm, just don't spray it on a mouse to fix it, because that just makes it worse. In article <6csn9s$cdl$1@maryann.hu.mtu.edu>, Jonathan Harmon notes: > I don't really want to write the full article, but I learned in Final > Jeopardy once that it stands for "Water Displacement (agent) #40". It was > used in missile tubes in subs or some such things. If this piques > anyone's interest, go to... %e *EOA* %t Olympic Games, The %n I97 real %c Mark Seaborn (mark@megadodo.com) %d 19980224 %e Lots could be written on this subject, including a history of the games, what sports are included, and perhaps how to go and see them, and how to take part! It's interesting to note that Britain can no longer host the Olympics, because the Olypmics contain the sport of shooting, which is now illegal in Britain. %e *EOA* %t Agalgui Fiereg, The (or whatever other acronym) %n I98 R %s The Active Galactic Guide Field Researcher Group %a Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %i Formerly The GAG %x GAG %d 19950920 %e September 1995. From the ashes of the GAG rose the mighty phoenix of the Agalgui Fiereg! The fall of the GAG empire didn't take away the need for an assembly place for Field Researchers who want to be stimulated to be active and who are willing to stimulate and help other 'soul brothers and sisters' as well. A place was needed where activity in the field of writing, as it sparsely took place in the newsgroup, could be concentrated. Luckily it already existed, in the form of the mailing list that was used for the GAG. %e *EOA* %t Chewing Gum %n I99 R %s Human Cattle %a Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19970602 %e I cannot help but be reminded of cows and sheep every time I see someone grinding some gum around in their mouth. %e *EOA* %t Chinese Food, Deviations From The Original %n I100 R %s Every Country Has Its Own Chinese Food %a Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl) %d 19960718 %i Take-away, Chinese %e The menu in a Dutch Chinese restaurant, for instance, is heavily influenced by its former colony Indonesia. Many dishes are actually Indonesian. %e *EOA* * * End of file: IDEA04.BNK *